As a fat person, everyday I constantly battle with myself. Do I want to look flat when I go out, or show my fat? Do I want to seem slimmer, or let everything exist how it’s supposed to? Would I rather be comfortable or uncomfortable? This constant battle with myself resulted in my toxic relationship with shapewear.
Shapewear, shapers, waist trainers, and girdles: all names for a garment that comes in different sizes and shapes. This garment has multiple functions, but its most common use is to slim the body and make it look thinner, and less curvy. They can be short or long, they can come with mesh bottoms (which form the shapewear into shorts), they can have hooks or straps or zippers to close them, and they can come in different colors.
I own five of them.
My mom introduced shapewear to me when I was 14, when I was at a weight considered to be “healthy.” I have been wearing them ever since then, and I am now 20. As I started to rapidly gain a lot more weight, the amount of times I used them, and the amount I owned in general went up. I struggled to fit into any of my clothes, meaning, the best I could do with what I had was to turn to my shapewear.
They were, and still are, uncomfortable. They’re tight, they’re scratchy and itchy, they cause my thighs to chafe, and can be hard to breathe in. There is an overwhelming amount of cons of shapewear to put up with. Yet, I continue to wear them. The internalized fatphobia, the fear of taking up too much space, the comments from my mom saying that an outfit I’m wearing would look better with them, not wanting other people’s eyes to be on my stomach: all of these things (and more) made the pain and uncomfort worth it. I wear them under anything I can, even as they get progressively uncomfortable throughout the day. My shapewear let me form an ideal version of myself that I wanted so badly. I hated it but I could not go without it.
But sometimes, I do love it. Although the cons outweigh the pros, there are some things it actually helps with. Whenever I wear skirts or dresses, I can use them underneath as shorts, which makes wearing skirts and dresses a lot easier and comfortable. When I am bloated, they help me fit a bit more comfortably into my pants. Whenever I’m on my period, wearing them lets me feel less scared of accidentally bleeding through my pants.
Truly, I will never stop coming back to them (hence our toxic relationship), no matter how hard I try. I do not want to hide my fat anymore- I want it to exist how it’s supposed to, and rest on my body how it’s supposed to, instead of trying to compress it all into a tight garment. But even while I am learning to stop using them to hide and cover my fat, I will still end up using them for the pros they provide. I hope, however, that I can end my bad relationship with shapewear and stop seeing it as something to “save” me from being fat.
Unruly Bodies 
Hey there! I wanted to thank you for being to open about the pro and cons about shapewear and how it has shaped you as a person. I can also hop on the train and say myself that shapewear was one thing I always counted on to making me feel skinner than usual. It was also the pros and cons that got me through. I finally stepped out and stopped wearing it as I am more comfortable in my skin than ever. It was those days that made my thighs hurt to I couldn’t breathe well.
Thank you so much for being so honest! It’s beautiful to hear of your journey to accepting your body. ❤
Hey! First of all, I really commend you for telling us your story and how you feel insecure about your body fat. I know it is not easy opening up about things like this. I actually can relate to this so much because all my life I have always been really underweight for my age and height (as the doctors would always tell me). I am a 6’2″ tall male and I currently only weigh about 130lbs. When I were to think about wearing stuff like shorts or T-Shirts, I always look down on how skinny my legs and arms and have second thoughts of wearing them. That is why mainly prefer wearing more baggy clothes like Hoodies and Sweatpants to cover up how skinny I am and top of that wearing those types are more comfortable for me in general. It really sucks when you have to overthink so much on what you want to wear before you go out places because of how society portrays what body weight is physically attractive and what is not. I am starting to feel a bit more comfortable now in my own skin and I am working gaining more weight currently. I definitely feel you with this post. Thank you so much for sharing.
Although, I’m on the other side of the spectrum, I can relate with your battles about how you’d like to physically present yourself to the outside world. I’m am in no way shape or form equating the struggles that skinny and fat people go through, that’s a different conversation. I think it’s quite ironic how you state that shapewear helps slim the body and make it less curvy, when on the other side I want more fat. In my culture, shapewear like hip pads and shoulder pads are very common. Societal beauty standards are also very unattainable because it wants to meet the middle of fat and skinny, but its just not possible. When you’re skinny, you lose the butt and the cleavage, but when you’re fat you lose the waist and the skinny arms. It’s a competition that no one will ever win. The idea that body shapes are also trends is the weirdest concept to me. Anyways, thanks for being vulnerable with us and good luck on your journey to feeling comfortable presenting the way you want to present to the world.