all this time we’ve been learning about how the mind and body are connected,

but i feel like i am losing continuity between my mind and my body.

imagine your body is a ship and your life is the water below it; your mind is the anchor.

your ship staying intact keeps you in life. but what happens when your anchor lifts?

when your anchor no longer holds your ship down, it floats freely: your mind floats freely. your body is on autopilot.

this is what it feels like when i am dissociating.

i don’t feel like myself, i feel like a ghost of myself; a mirage.

there are moments of my life i feel like i didn’t live because i wasn’t present:

the waters are foreign.

i tried therapy and she asked me if my father was around.

i believe she asked this because i am black. i left therapy feeling worse,

my ship was hurting.

i don’t know how to figure out what i’m feeling,

i don’t know the gravity of my situation,

i don’t know if this is normal,

i am lost and

my anchor is floating.

i am sat on the blue ocean floor of my life,

i’m not sure how to get to the surface.

my anchor, which was once floating on that surface now keeps me under.

one day i hope to breathe again.