I spent significantly more time figuring out a name for myself than I did understanding my sexuality or gender. It kind of came naturally to me once I was open to all the possibilities. Even still, I wish I had chosen another name and while I have one in mind, I never switched to using it because I didn’t want to inconvenience other people. My current chosen name is very basic and easy, while the other I would probably have to spell out regularly. I don’t even know if it’s a bad thing, because when I see my current chosen name I see MY name which means a lot. However, it’s so weighed down by my family being complete assholes about it.
My family frequently points and laughs when my chosen name shows up (on my mail, for example) and make comments when I remove my dead name from things. At thanksgiving, my cousin set the table and went out of her way to write names on napkins for everyone. Despite me being out, she still made the decision to do this, and to write my deadname. I immediately turned it over and someone else judged me. I don’t know, maybe consider not being a dickhead? “Be kind to others” they all say, until they don’t like you, I guess.
Nonetheless, a story I think about frequently is that when I was younger and before I considered being trans, I thought I was a lesbian. I came out to my grandparents, who told my dad (which, don’t do that.) and he looked at me and said “No you’re not.”. What’s funny is that he was right, but he didn’t say it because he was right (he would rather I be cis + straight not trans + bi, probably). There’s a lot of denial towards anything other than cisgender and heterosexual identities, and my identity is always erased around my family and yet they all get confused when I avoid being around them.
I long for how things could’ve been. Where I had the guts to pick a different name I like, and I had the confidence to stand up to other people. But maybe I’m just as strong for remaining unchanged in my identities. Maybe I’m still strong for remaining alive. And maybe that is enough.
Unruly Bodies 
It’s really painful to be denied by family. Since they are the people who are supposed to know you best and love you unconditionally, their rejection stings even harder. I’m lucky my own family has been very accepting of my queerness — though the same can’t be said for my disabilities. It hurts, but I’m trying to accept that their ignorance isn’t my responsibility. Since my family can’t always see and love me the way I need them to, I have built a found family to fill in those gaps. It still hurts when my family makes rude comments, but knowing I have a chosen family who also choose me (flaws and all) makes it easier to stomach.
Its really funny hearing arguments for why a woman isn’t actually lesbian. “You haven’t had the right dick yet”. If that was true the same could be said about a straight man; maybe they’re gay and just haven’t “found the right dick yet”. I don’t understand how someone thinks they know more about your own intimate traits than you do.
I understand your not wanting to inconvenience others by changing your name again. While I’m not trans, I do have a name that can be difficult for some people to pronounce, and sometimes I don’t correct people when they say it wrong for the same reason of convenience. I keep telling myself that although it’s a minor inconvenience to the person being corrected, it’s an even bigger inconvenience to *me* when my name is pronounced incorrectly and I feel indirectly invalidated (or in your case, hearing a name that reminds you of your family and their denial). I think both of those things are really important, and reasons to inconvenience others for a short period of time!
Obviously, the decision is yours, and your feelings/actions are valid whether you decide to make the change or not. But your post has reminded me to be more proactive about having my name pronounced correctly, and I hope you’ll consider doing the same, because you deserve to be called by the name you’re most comfortable with.
I’m so sorry that your family are assholes about you being trans. It’s easy to say “F them, just leave” but I know life is more complicated than that, and sometimes we still love people even though they hurt us. Maybe they’ll become more accepting with time, but if not remember to surround yourself with chosen family that loves and respects you for who you actually are.
As for the name-changing business, I say go for it. Your relatives already don’t respect your chosen name now, so it’s not like anything would change there. Or if you feel like it’s too much commitment, you can always make the new name your middle name!
Family makes it so hard to just be yourself and for no reason. I used to believe that I understood where people came from when just straight up denying their own family’s identity, but now it doesn’t matter what the reason is. If someone wants to actually be happy in their skin, then I believe its those closest to them that should offer the most support. It’s real shitty that your relatives are being this way. I hope you find some resolution soon