Being a woman of color in the financial sector, a traditionally male dominated space, has always intimidated me. Growing up I would picture older, white men when someone would talk about business or finance. I never imagined myself in this space. But perhaps it was my parents’ demand that I pursue something other than the arts or it was my intrinsic desire to prove that I was capable that motivated me to pursue economics. In my economics courses at UMBC, I have noticed that although the classes are diverse, they are still male dominated. I have also noticed this in the previous finance related internships I was in. Being surrounded by those who did not look like me has contributed to my feelings of being ostracized and questioning whether I was competent enough to fulfill the roles I was in.

When I was applying to all of these roles, I doubted my ability to fulfill them, even though I had multiple relevant courses and skills. I had to make sure that I ticked each qualification before applying to each job, which is characteristic of women’s lived experiences all around the world. Women are generally not considered business-minded and instead are expected to pursue less challenging or more domestic roles. On the other hand I have noticed that compared to women, men are more willing to apply to a job even if they are not qualified. They do not harbor doubts about how fit they are for a job but instead apply without a second thought. I feel that my tendency to give myself credit has been improving over time but it definitely hindered me in the past, especially in applying to jobs. As an example, a recruiter recently reached out to me about a position at a company I previously worked for. The position was quantitative and challenging, and I was extremely apprehensive about applying even though I took the required courses and had the fitting skillset. I remember reading the qualifications over and over and asking myself whether I was competent enough to fulfill the role. I realize now that if a man was in that situation, they likely would have agreed to apply instantly without a second thought.

If I had not taken this class, I would not have realized that I experienced and continue to experience inhibited intentionality, as mentioned in Young’s “Throwing Like a Girl.” Even though I have certain intentions or desires, I feel limited by external social norms, which further inhibits my intentionality. This experience is one of many that describes my human experience. In phenomenology, human consciousness and experience are different between individuals. So even though this experience may feel like the norm to me, someone else can have an entirely different experience because they perceive and interpret the world differently from me.