I am a part of a 7v7 co-ed soccer league called Volo in Baltimore. This league was marketed as a social league and even invites you to go to the bar across the street after games with your team. My team had played multiple games together, and we had no real hierarchy up until the last game – it was pretty much just a free-for-all and we got to know each other well enough to have a good time. The last game was different though, as one of my teammates showed up with the idea that he would be “coach.” This changed everything. He decided the starting line up and everything was normal for the first few minutes of the game. 

     The shift happened a little later. It was about time for substitutions to be made. Usually we make subs quickly and by our own decisions. “Coach” decided that a few specific people were best to sub in, and so they did what he said and the others waited patiently on the sidelines. No one was making their own substitutions. Everyone was listening to “coach.” This continued throughout the first half. I was frustrated that he did not decide to tell me to substitute, so I went ahead and picked someone to substitute with. The game ended with some people not having played much at all. They whispered under their breath how annoyed they were.

     What I found interesting about this is that no one agreed that “coach” should make the decisions or call the shots. Yet everyone did as they were told because of what he called himself. The only reason I was able to break out of it and make my own substitution was because I realized in the moment that he had created a structure of power and we have all been conditioned to act accordingly when power commands us. By letting us know his new label as “coach,” and using his body to play the part, he gave himself permission to make the decisions and took that permission away from us. The team did not even notice how we were no longer allowing our bodies to move freely in the same space that we had just last game. It was truly fascinating.

An added outcome after ruminating on this experience:

     For some reason, this experience playing soccer and making my own substitution instead of waiting for someone to “let” me has also allowed me to start correcting people on my pronouns. I have never ever! ever! been able to do it until these past few weeks, and now I have done it twice. I think that it was very powerful for me to see the way power acted in this way, realize that it was nobody’s intention to take anything away from anyone else (“coach” never got mad at people for not doing what he expected), but still see everyone so paralyzed because of the way we have learned to act in response to power. In personal interactions when I am misgendered, there is a similar paralyzing feeling that I am not allowed or not supposed to correct someone, but really we are just two people and it is okay. I am glad to have learned this and continue to think a lot about what it means for me!