Emotional labor was defined by Arlie Hochschild as the work we do behind the work we do. To use her words, it is “evoking and suppressing emotions” to suit the job. You are doing labor, but what is being monitored is your ability to present a specific feeling during that labor. I disagree with Hochschild, however, in that emotional labor can not only be an aspect of jobs, but also one of daily life. Similar to Carl Jung’s concept of the persona, one has to balance and control emotions in order to present a specific self around others. This oftentimes draining task can be described as labor, as well as the tasks necessary to maintain that mask. And for the LGBTQ+ community, I would argue that a lot of emotional labor is during one’s time in the closet.
Unless someone is able to come out in a safe and accepting environment, or able to find enough support to be able to come out in the first place, there is a lot of work in disguising everything from prying eyes. For me personally, this has meant trying to name five different hiding spaces for my shoes or skirts. This has meant having to search for my clip-on earring collection because it is constantly disorganized. And this has meant more as I have come to realize more about my gender identity. All of that hiding and planning and changing in the car or in a restroom is physical and mental labor, but the emotional aspect is nowhere near ignorable either. After every chance to wear an outfit that makes me feel happy and comfortable on campus, or even a chance to put on a pair of heels for the day, there is always the realization that I have to change back before heading home. This also restricts the possibility of wearing makeup as I would have to spend time meticulously putting it on and then taking it off again. This knowledge of having to change back weighs heavy on me, and I have recently felt drained just from the thought of not being able to freely transform each day. Yet I have to hide the constant frustration around my parents and the annoyance of being called “sir” by someone at work. I have to put on the face around family, coworkers, and customers alike and manage my resentment on a near-daily basis. I see it as having to keep a lock on the closet sometimes. The only time I can unlock it is when I am online talking to a friend, by myself with my longing and admiration, or with someone that I feel comfortable coming out to.
Is this a stretch of Hochschild’s concept of emotional labor? Maybe. But I would like to ask the reader: when you have to suppress something around others, do you feel drained? And is it just at work, or every day, that you feel you need to manage one part or another of your emotions?
Further to the point, after how long does it take until one feels alienated from their environment due to managing these emotions constantly?
Unruly Bodies 
Hey TWINMASKSOFWILLOW,
Wow, your post just enveloped me in such a profound way, and I’ve been sitting with your words, marinating in them for a bit. Your experiences and reflections on emotional labor are so genuine and hit quite close to home, especially when threading the narratives between our personal worlds and the theories we’re swimming through in class.
Isn’t it something, the way Hochschild captured that commercial facet of our emotional lives but left so much unexplored in the personal and social spheres? Your point about emotional labor in daily life, and particularly in the journey of self-exploration and expression within the LGBTQ+ community, opened up such an essential dialogue that extends the theoretical into the deeply personal. It really got me pondering – isn’t the emotional expenditure we navigate in personal spheres just as potent, if not sometimes even more tumultuous?
And your courage! Sharing your personal navigation through hiding and revealing parts of yourself is so heart-rending. The physical and emotional labors of swapping between societal expectations and genuine self-expression are just…it’s a lot, and your words crafted such a vivid, emotional imagery. I mean, hiding shoes and changing in cars…these seemingly mundane tasks are laden with so much emotional and mental weight, aren’t they?
You brought up this genuinely evocative point about the entwining of emotional and physical labor in the context of self-presentation – and it’s kind of like, every hidden skirt or hurriedly removed makeup layer isn’t just a physical act but an erasure of a piece of authentic expression. It’s almost like this labyrinth-like journey where every turn asks for a piece of authentic self to be left behind, just to adhere to societal norms. It’s as draining as it is sad, and your post echoed with those silent, unseen efforts.
I couldn’t help but be drawn into the narrative of the locked closet, both literal and metaphorical, and how it’s not just about protecting a secret, but safeguarding a piece of your soul from the harsh winds of societal scrutiny and expectation. That question you posed, about feeling drained when suppressing emotions or parts of ourselves – it’s such an integral exploration, isn’t it? That exhaustion isn’t just physical; it’s this emotional and mental fatigue that permeates through our daily interactions and inner dialogues.
And about alienation, right? Your reflections offered such a profound insight into how constant emotional management can indeed cultivate a form of self-alienation. It’s almost like we become strangers to our own desires, wishes, and identities, as we laboriously mask them in various social and personal scenarios.
Your sharing opened up such a vital dialogue, TWINMASKSOFWILLOW, that peeks behind the curtains of the theories and concepts we delve into academically, offering a humanistic and personal embodiment of those very theories. It’s so much more than academic; it’s raw, it’s real, and it’s so, so valuable in broadening our understandings and perspectives.
Thank you for shedding light into the shadowy corridors of emotional labor beyond workspaces, and into the closets (sometimes literal!) where we hide pieces of ourselves away. There’s so much to ponder here, and your post is a beautiful starting point for conversations that bridge theory with lived experience. Here’s to unraveling more threads together in this intricate tapestry of emotional, physical, and sociological explorations!
Sending so much warmth and appreciation your way,
Nicole
I definitely do not think it is a stretch to consider these things emotional labor. These types of experiences of hiding, avoiding specific spaces, regulating your reactions to things people say are all emotional labor and shape your body and changes how it acts in the world and alone. For me, I feel forced to do the emotional labor of letting someone misgender me so I don’t make them uncomfortable, or correcting them in a very forgiving way, smiling, and reassuring them that it was fine. This makes me tired and less and less willing to occupy spaces where I expect to do emotional labor.
Oh my god yes this. I avoid going home to see my parents. I am a bisexual woman and I have not come out to them. Every time I bring up (or truly, they bring up to rant) the LGBTQ community I am met with immediate disgust and anger. They have even specifically said that if any of us are gay to stay in the closet. It is truly baffling and exhausting. You aren’t just hiding the physical output of your gender or sexuality, but managing your reactions to what they say and do that are so hurtful because if you show it then they start to question and dig and demand and “parent”. It also reminds me of neurodivergent masking. As someone who is definitely ADHD and highly likely to be autistic, there is SO MUCH behind the scenes managing of the self throughout the day in order to be able to function within the socially accepted parameters. Whether that be repressing your emotional outbursts (good and bad) or forcing yourself to be more expressive, by the end of the day you are just exhausted. I hope for you that you might one day be able to exist as yourself freely with people who value all the aspects of your self.