I’ve been doing pilates since I was 11. I remember seeing an Ad on YouTube in 2016 of some muscular white guy basically saying that pilates was the solution to tone your body.
Toned.
I learned that word from him. At 11 I learned that the word “toned” was skinny but not the kind were you’re weak and defenseless but its muscle. But not too much. Enough to make it look “sexy”. I look back in disgust remembering that I let some white guy implement that school-of-thought in my brain at such a young age. I wanted to be toned like the gym models I saw in Nike Ads.
The ads purpose was to push the audience to purchase an online membership which is what I pressured my mom to pay for. After she purchased it I forced myself to follow the workouts and instead of also following the diet, I ate less and less.
No matter how hard I worked I never saw results physically or in the scale and eventually I stopped. I felt trapped in my body and I longed for the “perfect” standard body. Eventually I stopped but started again a few months later and it became a pattern throughout middle school. I’d always feel a new weight of stress and shame drop onto my shoulders each time.
Unruly Bodies 
I’m very sorry to hear that your perception of what your body was supposed to look like was skewed at such a young age by the white man. It’s instances like that that heavily affect the way we see ourselves and also translate into our older and wiser years of life. I hope at least that you have come to a point of solace within yourself and feel happy whenever you look in the mirror because that’s all you deserve. Fuck the white man and fuck pilates.
Hi! Much like you, I was made aware of my body at a young age. Was I too fat? Was I too skinny? I’m sorry someone made you think you had to look a certain way. The world convinces little girls that they must have a certain body to be pretty, which is problematic, because every body is unique. P.S. Pilates sucks.