trigger warning // slight mention of disordered eating and beliefs that stem from it
If I walked outside right now to get something to eat, I’m either going to be shelling over 20 dollars just to sit down at a restaurant and tip enough to hopefully make sure that server makes a livable amount by the end of the day, or I’d have to shut off my morals and go to the nearest McDonalds and convince myself that my Oreo McFlurry and fries were worth contributing to the company handing out Happy Meals to Israeli soldiers.
If I went to the grocery store and stood in front of the milk section, I’m going to have to consider whether the stomach ache from the milk you get here in the US that isn’t even ethically obtained or sustainably produced is worth saving the money that I’d have to spend on a plant – based substitute like oat milk.
If I make vegetarian food, people will always ask if what I’m eating really is enough for me and if my protein intake is any good when eating meat is their cultural practice while eating vegetarian is my own. Besides, even if I ate meat here, how could I when the industry engages in so many acts of animal cruelty and processes it to the point of no return?
If I decided that I’m going to cook for the rest of the week, I’m going to have to spend all night meal prepping on Sundays after work, and that’s only if I manage to have the energy to do anything besides eat my free food from my job and collapse into bed, not ready to do it all again another week with less willpower to keep going as the weather gets colder.
If I decide to eat to my hearts content, I’m going to have to work it off in some way so I don’t feel disgusting for eating however much my body needed.
If I walk into my kitchen, I’m hit with so many choices that I have to make my peace with before I can even decide what to put on my plate. When simply eating food has become such a complex issue, one of our basic needs as humans, that’s how you know our society has messed up our perception of what we need to live.
Unruly Bodies 
I really relate to the part about having to meal prep or just eating out somewhere. Taking the time to grocery shop and then meal prep before and even after a long day is extremely taxing. It has become very difficult for me to find a good balance of eating out, and making food.
Yea I’m a huge foodie so I can relate to this. I’m eating healthier now more than anything because I got to a point where I was eating out and eating too much processed foods. It honestly felt like an addiction at some points in time because I didn’t have the time to meal prep or cook so I would result to fast foods. That obviously affected my energy to do stuff and overall health until recently when I went on a cold cut. being a fanatic of foods got me to the point where I had a euphoric feeling every time I ate. Mind you I am a naturally skinny/fit person but know when my body tells me that something isn’t right. It was bad but I have finally snapped out of whatever eating habit I had just a couple months ago. As I get older, I want to be able to preserve myself in the best way possible.
I strongly relate to this especially since starting my first year of college. Every time I go to True Grits I see so many options and I stand there for 10 minutes deciding if I should indulge myself in the delicious pizza and cheesecakes they offer or discipline myself enough to go to the salad bar and maybe get a little bit of chicken and rice. Today I used a meal swipe to get Oreo mousse, a coke, and a pizza lunchables. I feel disgusting and bloated at the moment. This morning I told myself I was going to eat healthy today so I had whole grain cereal with almond milk and went to the gym. After, I stared at the jar of Nutella across my dorm and decided that I deserved some on a slice of bread because I worked so hard today. Before coming to college I was 17 pounds lighter. The changes in my body are hard to come to terms with. My bras are tighter on me, my face looks rounder, I can’t see the muscle on my legs anymore from sports. I want to change my bad habits but I don’t want to be miserable eating salads on a daily basis. I wish I could eat a burger and shake and feel content with my body and clothes.