I’ve always wanted to dance, even before I knew what dancing was. My family has told me that I was the kind of baby that could never sit still, I was always moving to something or another that was running through my head – finding some kind of rhythm in just about anything. The birds singing, the sounds of bustling streets below, the perfectly chaotic harmony of my mother and her mother in the kitchen. There wasn’t an end to what I could find a song in, and every tune deserved some kind of movement.

I was far from a shy kid, and I never got stage fright when I used to perform bharathanatyam (a classical dance used to tell religious stories through the combination of expression, melody, and rhythm). My dance teacher was far from sweet but she pushed me so much that I was dancing with girls twice my age before I was 7. What enamored me so much about bharathanatyam was the patterns found in the cycles of beats, so it made sense that my passion for the dance faded when my teacher moved away. I lost the sense of stability I found in dance class, and decided that I couldn’t continue learning under a different teacher.

Growing up made me too tired to pursue all the passions I have, from dancing to music to art. Moving became a chore, rather than something that was supposed to be freeing. When all I wanted to do was rest, there was still that voice in the back of my mind telling me that I’m just making excuses for myself and I need to push through and reconnect with the activities that gave my life meaning. I hope that as my semester ends and I can basically restart my routine I can factor in dancing to my life’s motions. I rejoined a bharathanatyam class a couple months ago but I haven’t had much luck finding transport to it during the school year, but winter break should free me up and I really hope that I can find my love for dancing again.

As we discuss the lived experiences of disabled people, it is so important we uncover the systemic methods of rendering them invisible to media and government focus. A facet of Israel’s occupation on Palestinian land that does not get nearly enough attention is how it has failed disabled people for years and has only been discussed by humanitarian aid organizations in the last 4 years. These acts of suppression and terror toward the community has only gotten worse from their already bleak reality with the ongoing siege and blockade on Gaza. When we campaign for the rights of disabled people across the world it is so important, now more than ever, to understand the intersectionality of marginalization inflicted by the oppressive systems in place to bar them from the kind of world we envision.

Israel’s unlawful closure of Gaza for 16 years has led to a general deflection of resources to support individuals with disabilities in day-to-day functions, including prohibitions on importing hearing aids and batteries, wheelchairs, functional prostheses, crutches, and more. People with visual, hearing, developmental, or intellectual disabilities are especially in danger from the indiscriminate attacks on Gaza because they may not hear, know about, understand, or be able to react to what is happening. If advance warnings are provided to civilians at all they come 3 to 5 minutes before they are in danger of having their location bombed. It gets even more difficult for individuals who require greater support from infrastructure crafted around their disabilities to evacuate.

” Zahra Al Madhoun, a 39-year-old woman with a physical disability, initially decided to stay behind when her family fled. “They didn’t give us a safe place to go to,” Al Madhoun said. However, she fled a few days later after she said she received a call from someone purporting to be Israeli intelligence warning her to go south. “My home was my safe place. I only left because of the call. I was afraid I would be the only one to stay behind.” Al Madhoun is currently living in a displaced persons’ camp in dire conditions and said she was considering returning home. ” (Human Rights Watch, November 1st 2023)

Moreover, disabled people experience high levels of psychological distress owing to the helplessness they feel about potentially having to evacuate areas that Israel may eventually target as they eradicate Palestinians from their own land.

” Samih Al Masri, a 50-year-old man who said he lost both legs in an Israeli drone strike in 2008, said he was sheltering at al-Quds hospital in Gaza City, but does not feel safe anywhere: “If they bomb the hospital, I will be dead. I know I cannot move. ” (Human Rights Watch, November 1st 2023)

It is essential that we continue campaigning for the rights of disabled people across the world as we revolt against the systems of oppression in place, especially in occupied areas, and put them in the spotlight of our discussions because their reality consistently goes underrepresented in conversations and calls to action across the board. The ceasefire we are demanding from Israel is to spare all of Palestine and its residents of the genocide and crime against humanity it is actively committing.

I urge you all to keep reading, keep advocating, keep crying, keep fighting, and keep putting pressure on our representatives and government to call for a ceasefire and free Palestine.

Article referenced: https://www.hrw.org/news/2023/11/01/gaza-israeli-attacks-blockade-devastating-people-disabilities

trigger warning // slight mention of disordered eating and beliefs that stem from it

If I walked outside right now to get something to eat, I’m either going to be shelling over 20 dollars just to sit down at a restaurant and tip enough to hopefully make sure that server makes a livable amount by the end of the day, or I’d have to shut off my morals and go to the nearest McDonalds and convince myself that my Oreo McFlurry and fries were worth contributing to the company handing out Happy Meals to Israeli soldiers.

If I went to the grocery store and stood in front of the milk section, I’m going to have to consider whether the stomach ache from the milk you get here in the US that isn’t even ethically obtained or sustainably produced is worth saving the money that I’d have to spend on a plant – based substitute like oat milk.

If I make vegetarian food, people will always ask if what I’m eating really is enough for me and if my protein intake is any good when eating meat is their cultural practice while eating vegetarian is my own. Besides, even if I ate meat here, how could I when the industry engages in so many acts of animal cruelty and processes it to the point of no return?

If I decided that I’m going to cook for the rest of the week, I’m going to have to spend all night meal prepping on Sundays after work, and that’s only if I manage to have the energy to do anything besides eat my free food from my job and collapse into bed, not ready to do it all again another week with less willpower to keep going as the weather gets colder.

If I decide to eat to my hearts content, I’m going to have to work it off in some way so I don’t feel disgusting for eating however much my body needed.

If I walk into my kitchen, I’m hit with so many choices that I have to make my peace with before I can even decide what to put on my plate. When simply eating food has become such a complex issue, one of our basic needs as humans, that’s how you know our society has messed up our perception of what we need to live.

SZA has been one of my favorite artists for a while. So many of her songs hit different for me in so many ways, giving me a link to femininity in a way that I don’t really have otherwise. From messy breakups to the unhealthy behaviors that follow to hating everyone but especially yourself at times, to finding those small moments where everything feels like you can be at your best. I went to her concert last night and was amazed at the energy of the crowd for the entire setlist – you could tell which songs meant the most to us and what lyrics we could sing too passionately about amongst people who have felt the same feelings about them.

One of my favorite songs from her has to be “Special” from her new album, SOS, which she performed during the segment of the show where she came out on a lifeboat and floated across the arena. I’d always scream sing the intro to this in the car when I’m driving late at night trying to escape my head, so it was extra special that I got to see this live and see everyone else live the same moment I was.

I wish I was that girl from that Gucci store

She never wore any makeup and she owns couture

I got pimples where my beauty marks should be

I got dry skin on my elbows and knees

I never liked her, wanted to be like her

Hate how you look at her ’cause you never saw me

Like I was an art piece, like I was an ordinary girl

Toward the end of Young’s “Throwing Like a Girl”, she gives us this quote: “she gazes at it in the mirror, worries about how it looks to others, prunes it, shapes it, molds and decorates it. This objectified bodily existence accounts for the self-consciousness of the feminine relation to her body and resulting distance she takes from her body.” Now, if you’ve listened to SZA’s discography, you know that so much of her music speaks about being a girl – that is, living up to every expectation placed on you. The way she talks about femininity makes girlhood so much more relatable to me when she discusses the standards we place on ourselves when we see other women and can believe they are art pieces, but are still working to believe we can also be seen in the same way. I think it, all the beautiful women I saw singing along probably think it, and SZA herself must think it if she decided to sing about it.

The girl from the Gucci store that she wishes she was must think the same way, then.

Image of SZA in a red dress on her floating lifeboat 50 meters above the arena’s floor with a warm spotlight washing over her while she reaches out to the left.