I often wonder if I am lazy or if there is something wrong with me. I’m in college studying one the hardest majors with the goal to attain a well paying job in that field. However, I have no desire to work at all. I’ve never had a desire to work ever in my life. I would much rather spend my life exploring my interests, deepening my intellect, and connecting with people. Unfortunately, money makes the world go round, and money is an object I cannot do without. Therefore, I’ll graduate with my degree and hopefully obtain a six figure job.
I absolutely hate the thought of working. I can barely focus on doing homework or studying for longer than 20 minutes, let alone attempting to work for 8 hours straight at my tech job one day. Just thinking about it brings me a little anxiety and mental exhaustion. I don’t want to age prematurely due to the labor my body would harbor due to working. I don’t want my body to deteriorate over a period of time because of the physical and mental stress that comes with having a job. These thoughts have pushed me to not desire work. I often feel inferior because of this desire, because I feel useless in a sense.
We live in a society where “hard” work is glamorized. We are basically taught that working hard is what we are meant to do as human beings and that anyone who doesn’t work hard is lazy and will amount to nothing. I would like to think that maybe society glamorizes work that is simply too much for the capacity of the average human being, but on the other hand, I wonder if I’m making excuses for myself.
I carry the emotional and mental labor of inferiority because of this desire not to work. My peers have aspirations to do big things such as owning businesses, making a lot of money, or climbing the corporate ladder. Meanwhile, I’d rather just exist.
Unruly Bodies 
I relate to this on such a deep level. Im graduating in a year and have no idea what I want to do with my degree. I think it also has to do with the fact that I never saw anyone loving their job growing up. My dad is an accountant and my mom is hair stylist. Both of their jobs just seem like work they dont care about or don’t want to do, I’ve never seen any of my role models passionate about anything so that’s lead me to work as something I just have to do, not something that can be enjoyable. I have accepted this fact because I know I have to earn money so when I do get that tech/desk job, it’s not going to be my whole life but actually fund the rest of my life. My happiness comes from spending time with family, going out with friends, and traveling. So if I can use my future 6-figure job to fund what I actually enjoy doing, I think i can be content.
It’s natural to feel moments of self-doubt and comparison, particularly when it seems like your peers are pursuing different paths. However, your path is just as significant & deserves recognition and respect. Just Embrace your authenticity and give yourself credit. Your aspirations can/will lead to a more fulfilling/ genuine life, even if it doesn’t align with society’s conventional expectations. Just make sure you’re happy at the end of the day!
I’ve been struggling with the very same thing as this semester comes to an end. Sometimes i feel like i don’t belong here. i’m doing well in my classes, but i feel like i’m not doing anything for myself, kind of like i’ve just been doing busy work. I also work part time as a barista– i have been for two years, but i’ve grown tired of everything! i want a break, to fake my death and go to the caribbean or something. I wish i had an easy life, with millions to fall back on, to live comfortably and only worry about whatever it is rich people worry about.
The working industry has steadily made the working hours longer and longer with more expectations than a person can give with a lacking paycheck. If someone cannot live up to these unrealistic expectations, the person experiences real consequences. However, if you have a strong work ethic and want to achieve greatness, the work industry will continue to take and ask more until the person burns out or gets ill from the stress. When this happens, it is the employee’s fault instead of the system created. If a person has cancer, depending on the severity, the company still expects them to work as hard as a healthy person. You are not lazy for not wanting to waste your life and energy because no matter how much you achieve, more will always be expected until you aren’t helpful to the working industry. We are all entitled to have a life that does not revolve around working.
I don’t think you are making excuses for yourself, we are often taught at a young age that only hard workers get what they want in life. But, we never really see those hard workers get anything because they are always trying to climb up the ladder or are spending money on bills and other life expenses. I also kinda don’t want to work and just explore my interest but you can’t do anything till you have money. I also believe that I would get so much more out of my life if I had a healthy balance of work and exploring the world but unfortunately that will take a lot of time.
Having grown up with my family telling me I was lazy and disrespectful of peoples time whenever I’d run late or lose track of time, I totally get where you’re coming from. Though I didn’t have a name for it until the past couple of years, knowing that I struggle with executive disfunction and that my motivation levels are sometimes out of my control has still never fully absolved my feelings that I’m simply not trying hard enough or don’t want things enough, even though fundamentally I know that probably isn’t true. Still, the grind-and-achieve mindset encouraged by many employers and institutions has proven itself to produce toxic complexes on the other side of productivity as well, so there may yet be benefits to a more laid back pace of ambition.