Despite being friends with a few autistic people and also being neurodivergent myself, I never recognized that I viewed autism with some form of infantilization. Autism itself feels very “normalized” to me since a large majority of my friends have sensory and communication issues. I myself struggle with socialization and communication with others, so its not like those aspects of being neurodivergent are weird to me. However, I am always pleasantly surprised to see autistic characters in fiction have some sort of sex drive. Of course, autistic people can have sexual feelings and participate in intercourse, but it never occurred to me that I too could witness autistic characters experience the same sexual feelings as non-autistic characters do. Now that I know that this also plays into the infantilization of autism in media, I try to be more mindful.
Unruly Bodies 
Despite your personal neurodivergent experiences and connections with autistic people, your admission that you had held a rather infantilized image of autism speaks to the differences in society attitudes. It’s admirable that you’re making an effort to be more attentive, particularly in light of how important it is to depict autistic people with a wider variety of experiences, including sexuality. This insight not only reduces preconceptions but also promotes a more truthful and inclusive portrayal of neurodivergent people in the media. Continue to welcome this insight, as it surely deepens your comprehension and creates a more compassionate outlook.
It’s nice that you are actively working on being more mindful. Acknowledging the diverse experiences of autistic people, including their sexuality, is an important step in breaking down stereotypes. Keep those conversations going with your neurodivergent friends, they’re a good source of insight. Supporting fiction that portrays neurodivergent characters authentically definitely helps with how society views them.
It is so difficult not to internalize the messaging we are exposed to around differences and what those difference mean about our personhood, our sexuality, our desire, etc. It makes sense that even those who identify with these differences have to train their thoughts not to repeat back those messages to themselves. I like your post!
Reflecting on your blog post, “Adults can have autism too,” from my own perspective as a Autistic individual and a teacher of Shibari, I find it heartening to see such a candid acknowledgment of the often-overlooked aspects of autism, particularly in the realm of sexuality.
Your realization about the unintentional infantilization of autistic individuals, even within the neurodivergent community, resonates with me deeply. It’s a common misconception that neurodivergent individuals, especially those with autism, lack sexual desires or the capacity for a fulfilling sexual life. This stereotype not only marginalizes our experiences but also strips away a fundamental aspect of our humanity.
In my journey of teaching Shibari to couples, I’ve witnessed firsthand the transformative power of acknowledging and embracing sexual desires in neurodivergent individuals. Shibari is more than just a practice of intricate knots and patterns; it’s a form of expression, a way to explore intimacy, trust, and connection. By guiding couples through this art, I aim to create a space where sexuality is celebrated and respected in all its forms, neurodivergent or otherwise.
The truth is, our neurodivergence does not diminish our capacity for sexual feelings or experiences. If anything, it can offer a unique lens through which we explore and understand our sexuality. The idea that people with autism or other neurodivergences can be “more sexual” is a testament to the diverse spectrum of human sexuality. Our diagnosis does not define our sexual identity or desires.
Confronting and challenging the media-driven narratives that infantilize or desexualize neurodivergent individuals is crucial. As someone living with autism, I can affirm that we are as capable of a healthy and explorative sex life as anyone else. It’s important that we continue to share our stories and experiences, as you have done, to broaden the understanding of autism and sexuality in society.
In summary, your blog post opens an important dialogue, one that I am personally invested in. It’s a dialogue that not only challenges misconceptions but also celebrates the richness and diversity of the Autistic experience, particularly in the context of sexual expression and relationships.
I too have found myself associating autism with mostly infants and young children even though I have a neighbor who considers me to be her big sister who is autistic. She’s a really sweet girl and it always hurts when she calls me up during a meltdown because I hate to see her struggling in this society but I always manage to help calm her down and redirect her energy into something else. (even if i can’t seem to do that for myself lol.)