That’s what my parents think.
Its hard to understand the mind when there are so many problems that just go unnoticed and uncared for. As I grew up in my household, there was a lot of issues that I had to face alone starting at such a young age. There were things that I did not know how to explain and things I did not know how to fix. A lot of times it was be just thinking I was sad or nervous about certain things that were happening in my life, but when I told my parents about it their only response was for me to pray. They told me to pray and my sadness and fear would go away. They told me I needed to go on walks outside everyday because staying in my room was causing me to feel on edge all the time. What they didn’t know was getting out of my room and out of bed was sometimes the hardest part of my day. No matter how much I prayed to God, it would not fix the problems I was having within myself.
As I grew older, I started to learn words that could help me describe what I was feeling. Words that put a label on my sadness or the nervousness I felt all the time, but I would never want to say it in order to avoid self diagnosing. It was hard because I was having a really hard time with my mental health, but being raised by my parents who thought a prayer was the solution to all my problems I felt like it was not right for me to say I had something without the proper diagnosis. I did not want to use the words lightly and end up downplaying anxiety or depression. When my parents would ask me what was wrong, I could never give them a solid answer. I just knew my mental health was not good, but there was no specific reason why. There were times where I considered getting diagnosed, but I don’t want my parents to feel like it is their fault that I feel this way. I don’t want my parents to feel like they failed raising me because in all honesty they didn’t. There is no specific reason, but I don’t want them to feel like its them. And if there isn’t a specific reason then they are going to think that my issues are fake. That it is all in my head and easily fixable because I did have a good life.
To this day, I still struggle with my mental health. It’s hard because sometimes I feel like I have “no right” to feel the way I feel (as funny as that sounds). I feel like I had good parents, a great life where I didn’t have to worry about much, and I am able to go to school, go out whenever I want, etc. It feels like I am just complaining and its not fair for me to talk about my mental health issues even though my head tells me that shouldn’t be the case. No matter, its an everyday struggle that I am still trying to figure out. It has gotten better over the years, but it is something that still needs to be talked about.
Unruly Bodies 
It does really suck to have people around you that won’t accept that your problems are more complex than just praying or thinking differently. When I was growing up I had feelings of what I now know is anxiety that would stop me from engaging in many social settings, overwhelm me in school, and would generally make life tougher. Bringing these feelings up to people, I was told I was just shy and to get over myself. It was only well into high school that I was able to get a therapist and get diagnosed. I later asked my parents if they knew I had anxiety as a kid and they said “of course you did” which really made me confused because why wouldn’t they help me with that and tell me in the first place???
Yo I feel this wholeheartedly. My parents are the same way for the most part. Whenever there is something that is bothering me or whether I’m in the right headspace or not, they always believe that a prayer and just getting over it is their solution because they are closed to the idea of mental health. To them, their struggles and what they went through when they were younger outweigh the notion of mental help because to them when they look at me they often wonder how bad it could be if their trials and tribulations were far worse for them. I hate this constant comparison of struggles that I and my parents have gone through in the past but I can understand that in their era, mental health wasn’t really something that had awareness and in return conditioned them to think that all their problems revolve around just getting over it and moving on, especially when they grew up poor.
now that were on the subject of the ways in which people dont understand aspects of mental health, prayer to fix a chemical imbalance never sat right with me. I relate to you when the solutions that your parents gave you didnt even remotely adhere to to the actual problem. my mom is a devoted African christian women, her son is a depressed atheist. she offered prayer as if the person praying wasn’t also mentally ill, like the attitude of hate and sadness i had for myself and everyone would just go away so i could be optimistic and pray. alot of the time I wouldn’t tell my parents what was going on because i knew their solutions wouldn’t work, but also because despite having a diagnosis i still didn’t feel as though I had any reason to be depressed. I compared myself and my situation to so many others on a daily basis I minimized the very real problem growing in my head until it was too late. the anxiety depression combo really is no joke.
I cried reading your post because I could relate to it so much. I have anxiety and depression and I live in a Christian household so my mom too always said if I prayed or read the Bible, that I would just get better. But once I got diagnosed at 17 with depression, my mom couldn’t really accept it, she always said that I would just have to “move on” and I would get better soon, which I didn’t not. This just made me feel like I was a mistake more than anything; like it was my own fault for having depression. But this year I had a few therapy sessions with my mom about my struggle with my mental health, and it has been able to improve our relationship even more. While I think there are a few things we can still work on. I’m glad that she can understand me a little bit more. I believe that all parents to need be more educated on things such as mental health because it is such a big thing that has been happening to many children lately so having that knowledge can help them give better aid for their children.
It is so difficult to be surrounded by people who think that religion automatically solves everything. I definitely think that praying and staying connected to one’s faith can help for some people, but there are so many mental health disorders that simply cannot be solved by doing those things. It is so insensitive to tell someone who is suffering from mental health issues to just pray and you’ll immediately feel better. Instead of invalidating how you feel, your family should focus on providing you with the right resources to help you heal. I hope you are able to overcome these issues, thank you for sharing.
Depending on people’s upbringing, it really does feel like mental health isn’t real. I’ve found it to be really frustrating when people use religion as a default answer to solving mental health issues. Especially because it can be hard to get past the notion of “God will solve everything” when trying to get help. A lot of my friends have had really traumatic experiences that stem from this idea. Also, it is totally valid to feel like you have good parents and still struggle with mental health. I don’t think I know anyone that doesn’t struggle with mental health in some way, no matter their upbringing is.
It’s difficult to grow up in a culture that disregards mental health. When you were a little child and faced difficulties on your own, your parents offered prayer as a remedy, which made you feel alone.
The stigma associated with mental illness is reflected in your internal battle about the validity of your troubles despite leading an apparently happy life. Realizing how complicated these problems are and how they can impact everybody is vital.
Understanding that mental health is something that must be negotiated with, and not simply dismissed or overpowered, is an unfortunately scarce quality among older generations, and I’m sorry that your experiences have been complicated by generational dogmas. I have religious friends who have used their faiths to work through their respective mental illnesses’ inhibitors, but always in these cases the religious aspects are used as anchoring points for spirituality and grounding themselves, not to bluntly absolve or overpower the tangible problems they contest with.