I live in my body every day. I experience the world through the eyes of my body. It is my vision that allows for interaction, and my choices of how to take action or respond that shape who I am as a person. My body should be in my control. So why do other people have so much say on how I live my life? I used to go to the gym twice a week at the break of dawn so no one was in the gym, but recently more people started going to the gym and it’s gotten more crowded. I tell myself I don’t go anymore because of the crowds, but I know it’s more so because my gym buddies won’t be there with me. Having other people with me helps me forget about other people and in turn increases my self-confidence. Very much so the safer in a group mentality. So even though it’s my body, and I know these people’s opinions won’t hurt me, and know I will survive any mean comments or judgmental stares, I’m still scared to go to the gym. It doesn’t help that I don’t look like any of the other people in the gym. How people interpret my body, the comments and staring, has affected how I move about the world. Other people also affect what I wear and how I sit or stand. If I try to have good posture I feel too tall (I’m not even tall standing.) and like I’m drawing attention to myself. If I wear something revealing I’m scared people will misinterpret what I might say or do. There is judgment everywhere, and society rewards the judgmental, social media, magazines, hot or not lists all promote the practice of judging someone’s body and assigning worth to a specific look. I believe one of the things that makes feeling judged worse is also being judgmental of others. If I’m judging other people, then that same energy from myself is reflected back sometimes even harsher than the original judgment. According to the article “Why Do We Judge Other People?” from Psychology Today, judging perpetuates a cycle of negativity and pushing other people down to make yourself feel better. So other than the gym equipment being unavailable, I have the ability to go, have fun and move my body. It’s a matter of mindset and not internalizing the judgment other people give.
The link to the Psychology Today Article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-eating-disorders/202110/why-do-we-judge-other-people
Unruly Bodies 
Hello,
Firstly, thank you for saying this, it’s so relatable which is tragic. Even without the doctored photos in magazines and so on, it’s hard not to hate your own body. Looking around and seeing all these other beautiful bodies and these individuals who appear to be living in their bodies with such confidence absolutely has the ability to make anyone look at themselves and question their own appearance. My mother used to tell me this and I didn’t believe her for the longest time; everyone is self-conscious and everyone lives in fear of judgement. Yes, even those who look so confident and self assured. I, myself, have faked this facade a few times and to my surprise, it has fooled a few on a good day. That said, it’s important to try to focus on genuinely loving yourself but it takes time.
I used to go to the gym and take aerobics classes but I decided I felt more comfortable working out in the privacy of my own home. I don’t care to be looked at or perceived while exercising even though I tell myself no one is looking at me, they are too concerned with themselves.
I hear you and relate, I feel like i am most relaxed when I am alone. Why pay to be nervous in public? the equipment is a different story but the absolute in-your-head anxiety of workin gout where other people can see you!! It is a lot, needless to say you’re not alone 🙂
I def feel you. I like going to the gym too but when its not so crowded. Its hard being in a public space with all my insecurities about my weight but I always try to block out the sound and really tell myself that im there for me and no one else you know? but def take breaks, take small steps and you should be okay in no time.
I get this. Sometimes I get somewhat jealous when I see girls confidently wearing whatever they want when I feel so self conscious if I do the same. I always love seeing people confident in what they wear though, but it is an internalized feeling that I have when I decide to wear something that isn’t the “norm”. Definitely something I need to work on, but I hope everyone finds confidence in what they do and wear.