As a feminine presenting person, I’ve often felt the weight of societal expectations placed on my body, and it’s a pressure that seems to evolve over time but never truly disappears. From a young age, I became aware that my body was not just my own, but something to be scrutinized, judged, and valued by others. There’s a constant narrative surrounding what a “perfect” body should look like; slim but curvy, toned but feminine, attractive but not overly sexualized. Around 8 years old, my father took this to heart. I was put on a diet and had regular weigh-ins to make sure I was not “getting fat”. At birthday parties and holidays I was denied cake and desserts, forced to watch all the other kids enjoy their sweets. This mental strain was and still is exhausting. Present day, I dare say this “trauma” has taken its toll on my body image. Even when I was at my most toned and fit it was still not enough. No matter how long I looked in the mirror, all I could see was someone too fat and not good enough. For years I struggled, and still do, with accepting myself and my body and not fearing the occasional sweet treat. The journey to reclaim my body as my own has been gradual and ongoing. I’m learning to love it for what it is; its strength, its ability to heal, and the ways it supports me. I try to remember that my body is my identity.
Unruly Bodies 
I have also experienced something similar growing up, most of the time parents are the biggest influence for the perspective you have toward your body. I believe culture is another influence because for me personally, in south asian cultures it is very common for parents to encourage their children to be skinny so, they receive praise from uncles and aunts. They believe beauty comes from being thinner. In relation to our course readings, this brings up the topic of how other individual’s perspectives influence how we perceive our bodies. “It should look a certain” “We should behave a certain way”.
Thank you for sharing this experience. As someone who identifies and presents very feminine, I am no stranger to my body being heavily scrutinized every day of my life… and it is not just society that does the judging, it is also me. I think we are taught over and over (whether directly or indirectly) to judge our bodies and determine our self-worth from entirely subjective, external factors. I blame society, yet I also recognize that I am very often my own biggest critic.
Something that has also long bothered me is the complete unrealistic nature of these standards. As I have grown up and my body has developed, I recognize that the literal structure of my bones doesn’t allow for me to look thin and perfectly curvy in all the right places (at least in the way society tells me I should). There are so many aspects of my appearance that I have no control over. No amount of exercise, cardio, or dieting will make my stomach completely flat; I have a uterus and a wide rib cage… I can’t change that about myself (nor do I want to). Yet somehow it is still hard and I still catch myself hating my appearance because of the media and influence I’m surrounded by.
I think we can make the most positive impact by reminding each other that we aren’t alone in this. Building each other up and sharing our experiences makes us feel less alone, which at least for me, helps me feel a bit better.
I can really resonate with this experience. It’s bad enough that society creates unrealistic standards for women, but it’s even worse when the people closest to us enforce them. The saying “to be a woman is to perform” highlights a similar issue—that women’s bodies are seen as something to be controlled, judged, and corrected. It’s as if a woman’s body can never truly be her own.
I appreciate you sharing this, and I wish this struggle wasn’t so universal. My entire life was focused on my body and what it could and couldn’t do or what it should and shouldn’t look like. My mother was the biggest offender, always coming in with a new diet or trend to “help us all be a little healthier”. I can’t help but think her infatuation with the way my body looked was a projection of her own mentality. I think she tried to mold me into the person she so desperately tried to be, and with that came an influx of body image issues. I’ve had to work long and hard to come to terms with accepting my body (and still struggle), but to this day I hear her making self-depreciating comments about the way she looks. This stuff is so difficult to hear as an adult, and I can’t help but think the way her words subconciously crept into my brain as a kid. Children need to be shown kindness and are led by example, there is no reason for an adult to be yelling at their sobbing kid becuase they “ate themselves sick”. –I realize I have a lot of feelings about this and might have to make a separate blog post; once again thank you for sharing ♥
Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and vulnerability. Your journey resonates deeply with me, and I’m sure with many others who have faced similar struggles with body image and societal expectations. It’s heartbreaking to hear about the pressures you faced from such a young age, especially from those closest to you. The impact of those experiences is heartbreaking, and it’s courageous of you to acknowledge and confront them. Your strength in navigating this journey and working towards self-acceptance is truly inspiring. I admire your commitment to reclaiming your body and learning to appreciate it for its strength and resilience. It’s a reminder that our bodies are so much more than their appearanc they are our companions, supporting us through every challenge and triumph. Your words about learning to love your body for what it is and recognizing its abilities are empowering. It’s a journey that many of us are on, and your story provides hope and encouragement. Thank you for being a voice of strength and authenticity.
Sending you lots of support and positivity on your continued journey.
I can completely relate to this post, not from my personal perspective but from that of my sister. growing up with her, i remember my fathers had regular weigh-ins to make sure that she wasn’t not “getting fat” and was denied desserts at parties and other outings when we went out to eat. Present day, I can still see that she struggles with her body image, but gradually learning how reclaim her body as her own and not fit into societies narrow definition of a body is and what its supposed to be.
It’s a journey that is ongoing and requires constant work, i am proud that you are determined to break free from the societal pressures and expectations placed on your body. I am learning to embrace my body for all that it is and to appreciate. Sending all of the best wishes to you
Thank you so much for sharing
This really hit home for me.I feel like American society carries a lot of fatphobic beliefs and prepatues theses ideals onto children mainly out of fear that what they hate the most will be qualities there children.Growing up, my parents wouldn’t keep sweets in the house for this very reason, thinking that me and my siblings would not be able to handle eating too many sweets before dinner how we would “be as big as an house ” due to the sweets.
I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling the same way from my parents. For me, it was just little things and comments from my mom. It’s been super hard to remind myself that I deserve foods that I like and that it’s ok to give into cravings. There was a lot of shame around sweets and ‘junk food’ in my house that’s always messed with my perceptions of food. Thank you for sharing your experience!
I’m really happy that you decided to share your experience with the feminine body because I have had a similar experience with my father when I was younger. I really do wonder why society puts so many standards on woman and when we feel a way about it or start to have trauma from it we are deemed as whiny. But the feeling you get when you look in the mirror and you think that your body isn’t up to standards is so hurtful and can lead to an unhealthy mindset. You really just gotta remember everyday that you’re enough and that societies standards are just straight up BS.