There’s something so dystopian about having a body in this world. As much as we claim to have autonomy we’ll never be free of the eternal shuck and jive. We all know Butler’s claim of gender performativity, but is every action we take not a performance? We’re all forced to act a certain way, stifle our truths, and perform. Take your pick of which puppet master is pulling the strings for the day (hint: it’s all of them). Whether it’s religion, white supremacy, the patriarchy, or capitalism we’re all told what to do, what to say, how to perform. Today my gripe is with capitalism (when is it not).
There’s a blatant disregard for what these meat puppets can do. The body isn’t meant to work two jobs, go to school, and maintain an internship – sorry. Sorry, there are days when the thought of getting out of bed to work is too daunting to fathom. Sorry, I have a chronic illness. Sorry, my chronic illness flares up in times of stress. Sorry, I’m stressed all the time. Sorry for having a body.
There’s so much more I want to say, but this puppet has worked all week and it’s tired.
(Ft. the movie that terrified me as a child about a puppet all strung up)
Unruly Bodies 
I’m not sure if depersonalization is the correct word to describe this feeling, but that’s what I’ve been calling it. So many outside factors determining what is and is not possible for a human person to deal with on a day to day basis, coupled with the feeling of your body not being your own for one reason or another, results in a sort of day-to-day out-of-body experience, that can be difficult to come back from.
I feel this to my core, especially this semester. I think some of my strings have been snapping – not breaking me free but surely making it hard to carry myself upright. I think winter break is largely going to consist of putting my marionette bar aside and lying down for a bit. Again. Though we can’t exactly put some of our strings aside — we still have to feed and house ourselves and regardless of our awareness of it, we do, in fact, live in a society that’s going to influence our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and others and subsequently our actions.