Honestly this blog post is probably just going to be my inner monologue for the past week because I needed to get it out so it might be a little jumbled but I hope it makes some sense to whoever reads this.
You know I thought I had it all figured out by senior year of High School before I came to this PWI but now that I’m here it seems I still have so much more to figure out. Me coming probably was my best and worst mistake I could’ve made due to me starting to have that feeling like I don’t belong again because of the way I talk or the way I dress I feel like everywhere I go there are small criticisms being made of me and sometimes it comes from the people I consider friends here. Joke or not it really open up my eyes to how different everyone can grow up and how different everyone really is but do I deserve to be called a “thug” because I’m comfortable with sagging my pants or because I come from a all black area. And the answer is of course no I don’t deserve that.
But I’m not going to bash this school that much because if I would’ve never went to a PWI I would’ve never truly understood some of my thought processes, like I just came to a realization recently that I have become someone that little me would’ve never wanted me to be and it’s sad but without the people that I met this year and those “thug” comments I would’ve never been able to look at myself from a outer view.
So, now I truly am starting to understand it even if the healing process hurts but I am who I am and there’s nothing wrong with it and everyone will have their own perceptions of me but that’s ok as long as I don’t lose sight of me again I’ll be ok.
Unruly Bodies 
As someone who is African American and comes from a majority black area you are not alone in your experience as minority at a PWI.I often have the same conversation with myself about how my experiences differ from my peers weather it from learning experiences in high school or the differences in how we carry ourselves on Campus and the amount of support we have from our families and how it impacts working ,studying and other extracurriculars.
When me and my peers discuss the places we grew up I also feel very uneasy and unsafe when they refer to where I grew up as unsafe and dirty and raise an eyebrow when I share that I live in a typical suburban neighborhood.
Honestly, this was the most realistic thing I’ve read all week. No matter how hard you try, people will always have something negative to say about you. A perception is only angled to a percentage of the access you allow in for people to judge you. It’s very unfortunate that people still judge a book by its cover, but in no way should you come to terms with how you are perceived, especially if who it’s coming from doesn’t know you.
Hello, thank you so much for writing about this. I feel like I can relate to this on many different levels. Being perceived by others is one of the most nerve wracking things. I struggle to leave my house because I know I will be perceived. It takes a lot of strength to fight past assumptions and really embrace yourself and your body. It is something I am practicing on the daily. Do you have any family around? I find having a good support system is key. I’m so glad you’ve made connections to why you feel certain ways, healing is hard but you are doing the best you can, so keep it up for that younger self! You got this.
This was such a powerful read, and I appreciate how honest you were. It is hard feeling out of place, especially when the people surrounding you don’t fully understand where you’re coming from. It is unfair that you have to deal with those comments; however, the way you have taken that experience to grow as a person speaks volumes about your strength and self-awareness. Figuring yourself out is never easy, especially in environments like this, but holding onto who you are and refusing to lose sight of yourself is what really matters. You’re on a path that little you would be proud of, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet-keep going.