Phenomenology is the study of first-person experiences and sensations that give life more meaning. When we were discussing this topic in class I immediately thought about how much my experience and perspective on my life shifted after my adult autism diagnosis. After the diagnosis I began to look back at my life and pick out moments and traits that, in hindsight made so much sense with me being autistic. But before the diagnosis, were just a confused, muddled mess. I remember thinking back on basically every interaction I had ever had and wondering if I would have reacted differently had I known. They say ignorance is bliss, but in all reality the not knowing led me to become a traumatized, jaded individual. The world isn’t built for autistic folk, and imagine going about your life wondering why you are facing barriers and roadblocks at every turn and not even knowing why. It messes with your sense of self and you begin to think something is deeply wrong with you. I am still having to unlearn that one. Yay for therapy!
Something that you do when you spend your whole life not knowing you’re autistic, is you get really good at masking. I was able to play the part semi-well and be sociable, friendly, and well-mannered. And when I got older I became even better. But when you learn that you are autistic, that mask begins to crack. It crumbles away and you are left with a messy, soupy, puddle of sensory issues, lack of social awareness, and fixations. It’s extremely common for adults who are diagnosed with autism to regress in a lot of their skills once they find out about their diagnosis. After holding themselves together by the seat of their pants their whole lives, their whole world is turned topsy turvy. This is what happened to me. It’s taken me years to reacclimate to my new way of perceiving the world, and myself. Slowly I’ve built myself back up and created a new, stronger identity. Diagnosis saved my life.
Unruly Bodies 
I completely understand your struggle I was not diagnosed with ADHD until I have 25 years old so all my life I never understood why I struggled so much in school due to me not showing the “typical” sighs it would take until I was an adult and had to advocate for myself and push back to get the help I had been needing all my life. I will struggle to forgive my younger self for not fighting more to get a diagnosis and to think how far in life I could have been if it was treated sooner in life.
This was very validating for me to read. As someone diagnosed with multiple disorders, I’ve often felt that my life has slightly fallen apart since discovering what they are and how they affect me. I relate to that feeling of holding yourself together and then feeling like you’re regressing once you are diagnosed. Finding out who I am- and why I am who I am- helped me realize that I could just… say no? If something makes me uncomfortable because of my diagnoses, then I have the option of saying no. It’s just really hard when there are societal pressures that have been engrained in us for so long that we can’t tell the difference between what makes us comfortable and what makes others comfortable.