I came out as a lesbian to my mother in 2015 when gay marriage was legalized and she was surprisingly unsurprised. Ever since then I’ve wondered why she wasn’t surprised, since I thought being femme meant no one could tell I’m gay. So, recently I asked her, ‘Were there any signs when I was a kid? Did you ever think I’d be a lesbian?” and she answered ‘yes’.
One example she gave that perplexed and amused me was, “You loved softball.”
The softball lesbian stereotype is not unique. There are also stereotypes about female hockey players, soccer players, etc. being lesbians. I don’t believe these stereotypes are totally unfounded, because when I watch the Olympics, I recognize my LGBT sisters on the teams and doing commentary. I see them on the basketball court, in the soccer field, flying across ice hockey rinks. This causes me to reflect on my own relationship with sports.
My theory as to why lesbians are drawn to sports like softball is because for a short period of time we are totally free from the male gaze. I left every game with dirt on my pants from sliding in the sand and my hair knotted and sweaty from being tied up and tucked in my cap or helmet. This was liberating as a catholic school student forced to wear kilts and ‘sit like a lady’ all day from elementary to middle school. We had to constantly perform traditional femininity to avoid being ostracized or ridiculed by classmates and other parishioners. Despite being a lesbian, I was socialized to appeal to the male gaze out of fear. Being around a lot of boys and men made me self-conscious and hyperaware of every movement I made because being too sloppy or aggressive got me nasty looks from male classmates and even adults. I carried this self-consciousness into gymnastics and cheerleading. Even though I am hyper-femme, I’ve never felt petite, demure, and graceful, like the expectation in patriarchal catholic parishes.
Before softball, I did gymnastics and then for about 3 weeks or so, cheerleading. I was terrible. I hated it and my teachers didn’t like me much either. I did not possess the same grace as the other girls in gymnastics and cheerleading did. I was an overweight, inflexible kid who noticed on day one that I looked nothing like the star students in those classes. But when I started playing softball, I embodied it fully. It felt so good to throw my whole body into a swing, feeling the crack of the bat slamming into a softball, and seeing the ball soar to the outfield. I was giddy the day we were taught how to slide to a base. The dirt on my softball pants felt like a trophy every time I slid.
I’m sure none of my experiences with sports and patriarchy are exclusive to lesbians. However, the brief reprieve where gendered movement and hyper fixation on being ‘pretty’ falls away can feel like home to queer women and I believe this is why so many of us love softball.
Unruly Bodies 
Although my identity has fluctuated over the years, I identified as a lesbian for the majority of my life up until I came out as transmasc (and, even then, still feel connected to what that label means to me sometimes — I love queerness!) and throughout my childhood, soccer and softball were a major part of feeling comfortable in my own activity. The lack of male domination in the sport allows uninhibited passion to shine through, and I’d find myself totally lost in the sport whereas if I were playing something with my older brother and his friends, I’d be lost in my own head instead and too anxious about how myself and my actions were being perceived by the male gaze to have fun doing what I love.