
I grew up in a houshold where gender norms were not enforced. I was allowed to wear “boy clothes” and play with “boy toys” just as much as “girly” things. For my 5th year I was obsessed with Spiderman and would wear a Spiderman costume around the house all the time (and try and climb the walls). I had my hair cut short and was constantly questioned about my gender as a young child. At first I would get annoyed by constantly getting asked “ArE yOu A bOy oR a GiRL?” because to me it was obvious that I was a girl. I didn’t understand that to everyone else girls are supposed to have long hair, and wear pink dresses. I didn’t understand why it wasn’t obvious I was a girl in my Pokemon shirt and short hair. Even at a young age I was questioning gender norms (probably due to being autistic lol). I first learned the word tomboy in early elementary school. This was a label that was pasted onto me, not chosen by me. I never understood it. Why couldn’t I be a girl and like playing in the dirt? Why did I need a seperate label from everyone else. This othering definitely coincided with my lonliness as an undignosed autistic child. I just felt so different from other girls. Most of my friends were boys because they liked to do the same things that I did. I struggled to relate to women well into my adulthood. It wasn’t until I realized I was nonbinary did I fully understand why I never felt “like other girls”. Sure people called me a pick me in high school and college. But I geniuinely wasn’t like other women, because I wasn’t a women!!!! It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my non-binary identity, and it’s something I’m still exploring. I only started using they/them pronouns only 2 years ago. I am excited to continue exploring my identity as I grow and change.
Your blog post speaks to the conundrum of how our youth spend more time trying to avoid or wrestle the gender norms that are put on them, rather than focusing on growing up in a constantly changing world. I wonder how differently you could have thrived if you were given a space that didn’t invest so much energy in questioning your very presence. Nonetheless, your perseverance tells individuals who go through the same thing you have that there is a chance at new beginnings, and sends a message to the gender norms who have tried to hold you down. I admire your courage and strength to post something so personal to you, especially when there are so many who never will. I look forward to reading more!