Author: glo42013

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A Home Within the Body?

So after reading a bit of Exile and Pride, I thought it interesting that Eli Clare considered his body as what was home to him.  To me, home had always been anything BUT my body.  For instance, the roof I live under is considered home to me, the neighborhood I live in is considered home to me, being surrounded by my family and their mannerisms and so on.   When looking at what my body is to me, it’s just simply that . . . my body.  I look at it as a piece of property owned by me.

Then Clare starts putting labels on his body, such as queer and disabled, which describes who he is and how it describes his body as home.  In relation to my own body, I’ve never considered even putting labels on it because the idea never occurred to me.  Don’t get me wrong, my body is very special to me, because it was given to me specially when I was born into this world, but I just can’t come to the point of naming it home, and putting labels on it.  That seems kind of abnormal to me.  Instead, on an ending note, I’d like to also look at my body simply as a miraculous piece of work that serves as a protection for my soul, which is in charge of my inner thoughts, actions, etc., contained inside.

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Why Do I Feel So Guilty?

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It is always the same scenario.  Someone who is either blind, struggling to guide their way throughout the bus with their walking stick tapping the ground in a rhythmic motion, or someone who cannot walk, as the bus driver has to take the extra minutes to load that individual in a wheelchair into the front of the vehicle.   While all this is happening, I usually look away uncomfortably.  But the question is why?  I’ve decided to answer with that I feel guilty.  But why should I feel guilty?  I haven’t contributed to what society calls their “disability”.  But somehow I feel somewhat responsible for the way the blind can never see the beautiful scenery during a hike, or the deaf may never be able to hear the wonderful melodies embedded in music.  Maybe it’s the fact that I enjoy these pleasures, that it is tearing me inside.  Sometimes I wish it was me . . . . that I was blind, deaf, lame, dumb and so on.  I feel that then the guilt would disappear because I would be stripped of the “pleasures” society says that I have.

But are the disabled really suffering? Is that a legitimate cause for me to feel guilty?  The strange thing is, I only feel this way towards disabled individuals that are strangers to me.  I know at least one person very well that is disabled.  And I wouldn’t even call her “disabled” because she is so driven and strong.  She doesn’t seem to experience any limitations and boldly reaches for the same opportunities that I or any other “normal” person would want.  Because of that, I feel no sense of guilt around her, she greatly inspires me.  Maybe if I stopped to look at the “disability” of others and feel sorry and crappy about it, as society has so often told us to do, I would see greatness and not sympathy.

To be honest, I never dared to express my thoughts on my guilt toward disabled people.  To me, I thought it was inappropriate to do so.  But now letting all my thoughts out here in this post for the first time, I’ve realized that it is society that is causing my guilt, not the disabled.  The disabled are not telling me to feel sorry for them, society is; the disabled are not telling me to look away, society is; the disabled are not telling me they are not enjoying life, society is.  And looking back on it, the way society is downgrading the disabled is really shattering.

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Whatever Happened to Embracing One’s Curves!?

So after going through the Fat Bodies section in General Women Studies Class, I was left a bit uneasy.  And you can’t blame me, like how can I accept the fact that the media wants to control what women put in their mouths and constantly blame regular women for the way they look?  It’s all pure nonsense.  Whatever happened to embracing one’s curves, however they look, big or small?  I just don’t understand it.  It frustrates me greatly.

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I Don’t Want To Turn Into a Job Zombie!

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I’m very passionate about pursuing graphic design/animation, but I can’t help but wonder if it may consume me like a parasite when I finally reach my ambition.  As with any career or job, people are immensely dedicated and motivated by the drive or salary that career/job provides them.  But at some point or another that same “drive” may cause their mind, body, and soul to cling ONLY to that one job or career.  What about family, friends, and “me” time?  Will that all just fade into the background?  Or will it even matter at all once one gets to the top?

I know, I’m probably overthinking all of this, but it is quite possible.  Growing up, I’ve witnessed my Dad working overtime every day except on Sundays, and one could tell that he was devoted to his work.  He is self-employed and owns his own appliance business, and his body became “one” with the machinery that he repaired and sold daily to his customers.  His life revolved around carrying heavy refrigerators, squeezing inside limited spaces to repair washing machines/dryers, stuffing himself inside the grossest stoves to get them cleaned for delivery, etc.  It was like he was sent on this earth only to work with these appliances.  I know his drive was to provide for the family, but it seemed like the business was his first priority.

Same can apply to certain friends and acquaintances I know that either have full-time or part- time jobs.  All they are focused on is getting to work in order to get that weekly paycheck.  The majority of their minds dwell on their job, and nothing else.  It is like they are enslaved mentally, almost oblivious to everything in life around them, becoming lifeless and transforming into “job zombies”.

I will continue pursuing my ideal career with great stride, but it seems like in today’s society, human beings are only sources of labor, physically and mentally.  Does one need to become a “job zombie” in order to remain at a comfortable financial status?  Or can one also fit plenty of life’s other values into the picture as well?  Oh well, all that I know is, I have to find an answer to that second question, because I refuse to become a lifeless human being that only commits to my career; my religion, family and friends share a great value as well and greatly deserve as much attention in my life as possible.