So after watching that documentary about people being in isolation for decades, I just keep thinking how do you even decide who belongs in isolation? And who gets to decide how long somebody stays in there? Because I’m sitting here trying to understand it, and honestly, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Like, yes people end up in jail because they did something they weren’t supposed to do. But not everything people do is on the same level. Petty theft is not the same as murder. So how do you judge that? How do you look at someone and say, “Yeah, you deserve 10 years in a box by yourself,” like that’s normal? And the whole idea of putting someone in isolation… I don’t know. How are you supposed to feel okay with that as a person? Because the documentary was basically saying they put people in there because they appeared to be gang members or because they thought something might happen. So now you’re isolating someone for 10 years based on what you think they might do? That’s crazy to me. And yes, they did something bad   that’s why they’re in jail. But putting someone in isolation for that long feels like another level of wrong. It’s like you’re trying to fix a problem and create a whole new one at the same time. Because let’s be real: if you keep someone in a tiny box for years with no sunlight, no real human contact they’re going to lose their minds. Anybody would. And I’ll be honest, part of me has always thought: most of the time, people end up in jail because they did something they shouldn’t have done. And in that sense, yeah, I get why consequences exist. But then the prison system turns around and does things that are just as harmful if not more. So how does that make them any better? You want people to learn what they did was wrong, but then you do wrong things to them too. So then what’s the point? Where does that lead? I’m just stuck. I really can’t wrap my head around the whole isolation thing because it feels like there’s no solution. Like no matter what, somebody is getting hurt. You think you’re preventing a problem, but you’re creating another one. And I just keep imagining myself sitting in a small box for 10 years with no sunlight, no fresh air, no nothing and I know I would absolutely lose my mind. Most people would. So yeah… I’m confused. I’m thinking through it, but I still don’t know what the right answer is. I wanted to talk about it because it’s been on my mind heavily, but I’m still figuring out how to even put my thoughts together. So honestly, let me know what y’all think. Because I’m still trying to understand this and I really want to know how other people see it too.

Watching Crip Camp honestly had me sitting there like… wow. I had no idea any of this even happened. I didn’t know a place like Crip Camp existed, and I definitely didn’t know how much the disability community had to fight just to have basic rights. The camp itself was actually beautiful to me having kids and adults come from all over, with different disabilities finally getting to to be able to just live life. No overprotective parents hovering, no being treated like they were made of glass, no feeling like they were “different” in a bad way. They finally got to have what everyone else calls a “normal” experience, which is crazy because it shouldn’t have taken a whole camp for that to happen.

And honestly, it kind of bothers me that I had never heard about this before. In school we always learned about the civil rights movement, the women’s movement, all these big historical moments happening around the same time but the disability movement is it really talked about.  It’s like because so many other movements were happening, theirs just got pushed to the back sort of being pushed as not important as the other movements. Fact that it’s not true they were fighting for their rights, equality, and accessibility just like everyone else. And that just leads me to the question of why they don’t talk about this movement.

What hit me the hardest is how far they had to go. Some of them were starving themselves, camping out in a government building for weeks even though some of them needed home aides or medical help. But you know what the government still ignored them. All they wanted were things like being able to enter a building or ride public transportation things that can be simply resolved yet they didn’t want to spend extra money to have all these changes made. It just goes to really show how  trashy our government is how are you supposed to be for the people when you’re not really for the people.

The wildest part is these are recent changes that took longer to happen in the women’s movement and the civil rights movement the ADA was passed not to long ago it makes me mad to think a powerful movement like this is being ignored and it just reminds me of the quote that I wrote down which is” You can pass a law but until you change society’s attitudes that law won’t mean anything” and I really like this quote because I feel like it it sort of means what is still happening today yeah they have these laws but society’s attitude hasn’t changed. I feel like since these laws have happened it still feels as though they try to shut people with disabilities out.

But this documentary opened my eyes. I feel like more people need to see it this should be shown in high school, in history classes. Because this isn’t some small side story it’s real history that deserves attention. I really enjoyed the documentary, and it made me think a lot about how we still don’t talk about it enough. It really made me feel like why did they have to fight this hard for rights they should’ve had from the beginning? And why did I have to wait until now to learn about it?

Over the last two weeks, we’ve been reading stories about queer people who struggle with their identity and sexuality while also trying to fit in with society. It made me think about times when I struggled with how I wanted to represent myself. I’m not queer, and I haven’t faced the same challenges they have, but it still made me reflect on my own experiences with identity. I remember being in middle school, going through that awkward stage of trying to figure out who I was. One specific memory that stands out was an argument I had with my mom about what I wanted to wear to school. Up until then, she was the one picking out my clothes all very feminine and “girly” I was tired of it because I was bigger, and I didn’t like how those clothes fit my body. They were too tight, and I just didn’t feel comfortable. I told my mom I didn’t want her picking out my clothes anymore, but she wasn’t having it. She kept saying I didn’t know what looked good on me. I ended up breaking down crying before she finally agreed to let me choose my own clothes.

After that, I went straight for hoodies, graphic tees (mostly from the men’s section), and sweatpants. I stopped wearing those form-fitting clothes that girls were “expected” to wear. My mom didn’t like it at all she’d call me a “tomboy” and compare me to my older sister who still let her pick out her outfits. She’d even say things like, “People might think you like girls.” But for me, it was never about that. I just felt more comfortable and confident in those clothes. It wasn’t about gender or sexuality it was about comfort and feeling like myself. All through middle school, I stuck with that style. It wasn’t until I was about to start high school that I started adding more feminine pieces again because I was becoming more comfortable with my body. Even now, I still like to mix both masculine and feminine styles. My style inspo is Teyana Taylor she mixes masculine energy with feminine flair, and I love that balance. Reading these stories in class made me realize that almost everyone goes through what I’d call a mini identity crisis at some point. Maybe not as deep as what queer people face but still those moments where you’re just trying to figure out who you are and how you want the world to see you.

About five months ago I started my “great lock-in” aka me starting my weightless journey Again!! I was tired of how I looked and wanted better for myself physically and mentally, so I decided to get my lazy butt up and go to the gym after not being consistent for a few years. I didn’t expect to feel so envious and self-conscious while working out for the first time in a while. I was looking around at others that were working out and comparing my body to them, or comparing how I was working out versus how they were. I felt like I wasn’t doing things correctly, simply because I was getting my workouts from TikTok and Instagram and just trying to copy what the “gym influencers” were doing.

Even though I was feeling like this I tried to keep pushing and put those thoughts to the back of my mind. I wanted to focus on making myself better, and I knew that was gonna be part of the process fighting through the stigma and shame of being judged, and reminding myself that I do belong there and that I actually can succeed.
When I first started attending the gym, I would wear baggy clothing to try to hide my appearance, to take some of the attention off me. Even though people probably weren’t staring at me, I felt like they were. That ties into the idea of the panopticon the feeling that somebody is watching you even if you don’t know if they are. But wearing those clothes wasn’t comfortable, especially the hoodies. I started noticing my body overheating when I wore them. I knew I needed to make changes to what I was wearing, and that ended up putting me one step closer to the confidence I have now. Being able to wear clothes that I’m comfortable in made me realize that just because I’m larger and have more meat on my bones doesn’t mean I can’t wear what smaller people are wearing.
After switching the kinds of clothes I wear, I started gaining more confidence in the exercises I was doing, and I began to see improvement after a while. I noticed that I was losing a couple pounds after a couple months of nothing major. But my body started looking different, my face looking slimmer. And I was like, “Hey, this hard work I’m putting in is paying off.” Seeing those small improvements took me to another level because I was like, “Oh, I am doing this. I can do this.” Nobody was in my way but me.

Over time, my confidence just kept building. Now when I go to the gym, I don’t care what people think. I do the exercises I want to do, no matter if I look crazy. I’m still gonna try them and perfect them the best I can. Nobody else is gonna do the work for me. Nobody else is gonna boost my confidence. And honestly, nobody is even shaming me, no one has ever come up to me and said I don’t belong there. It was really me having this internal battle with myself, getting in my own way with that little voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t be there.