There has been an ongoing discourse about how gen Z was robbed from our 20s, and especially the clubs. Growing up, we watched shows like Jersey Shore and constantly heard songs about getting drunk in the club. But now that we are old enough to go out, we feel cheated. People just aren’t dancing the way they used to, and I think dance has become a thing that a lot of people think is embarrassing or “cringe” most of the time. I thought about this after reading “As the Earth Dances,” because it reminded me of how important dance is for individuals and society at large. In a way, I feel like dance has been somewhat colonized much like everything else. Even thinking about a more accepted form of dance… the TikTok dances. Those dances are usually created by black people, and are then watered down for others to easily learn. But even TikTok dances are products which can be bought and sold. But anyway, when someone starts freestyling in the club (which are usually older adults or very drunk people), people record them instead of joining in, further isolating the person. I mean they might like the attention, but it is so individualistic you know? There is no communal dancing. But when I see videos from HBCUs, people have choreography and there are so many people dancing all together and having a good time at almost every event. Its almost like dance has been whitewashed, and it makes me so sad because I love to dance, but I rarely feel comfortable doing it in public without people looking at me like I have 4 heads.

I think bringing back dancing without shame would help society tremendously. It would make people feel more connected to the community, to friends, to music, to nature, and so much more. It would help us start valuing art that is not made to be bought or sold, and also help us to value one another and their bodies. Dance also elevates people’s moods and releases feel good chemicals in the brain. Instead of dancing alone in your room, could you imagine dancing in a club full of people ALL dancing without caring about how they looked? That would be amazing. And there is no doubt that cellphones have impacted this experience. Because everyone is worried about getting recorded and possibly losing their jobs or being made fun of for what they look like while dancing.

Society would be so much better if we valued art that isn’t a product. Because dance IS valuable and it IS necessary. Art is amazing because it communicates through itself, and not necessarily through words. Art has the power to bring people together, and right now it is very individualistic. Going back to my example of TikTok dances, most people learn and perform the dance by themselves and then post it for everyone to see. How isolating is that? We don’t need to make dance an online thing, I wish instead, we could have community dance events where people learn and perform dances together you know – “live.” It’s actually pretty dystopian to think about, especially in comparison with other cultures where they value community and interconnectedness.

PS: We need better music in the clubs and more DJs who identify as women!!

TW// eating disorders, abuse

Growing up in the dance studio was not all bad. I had friends that I loved talking to and hanging out with, and I loved wearing makeup and pretty costumes. It also felt so good to move my body and gain control over it in a way I hadn’t known to do. Dance also taught me discipline, and the importance of showing up and articulation. And now being an adult, I am very thankful I know how to dance because it allows me to take what I have learned and create with it. But we’re not talking about the benefits, so let’s get into it.

1. Ballet

In order to compete on most dance teams, you are required to take a certain number of technique classes, always including ballet. This is important to note because ballet is the foundation that most classical dancers build off of, so there is no separating ballet from other styles of dance except maybe some forms of hip-hop. So, when someone mainly dances jazz, they most likely have years and years of ballet experience as well. I think ballet is the most toxic form of dancing there is, and it is something needed for almost every dancer, whether they hate it or not.

2. “Dance is life”

I’m sure you’ve heard people say “____ is life” but whenever I heard a dancer say that I knew they always meant it. At least at the studios in my area, people would typically go to dance 4-5 times a week for around 5 hours at a time. Keep in mind those hours are the minimum to be able to compete. And it’s not a myth that some parents homeschool their kids so they can spend more time in the studio. And I think it is like this because of how competitive the sport is. With dance, it is typically all or nothing.

Dance also becomes a huge part of someone’s identity, especially when they really don’t have much of a life outside of dance. I’ve known several people who have gotten older and had an identity crisis after quitting dance. This was something I slightly struggled with as well.

3. You will never be good enough

In ballet especially, there is an unwavering feeling of never being good enough. “Good enough for what” you might ask. To which I say…. everything. That’s at least how I felt, and still feel frequently. There is always something that can be improved in dance. If you look up videos of the greatest dancers in the world, their coach will always have a critique to give after they finish. Because in ballet, you’re supposed to be as close to perfect as possible. Ballet also makes your body move in ways that are unnatural and quite harmful to the body.

That being said, you are constantly worried about your body and the way that it looks because at the end of the day, that’s what dance is. And how do we do that? Mirrors around the whole room. Pair that with skintight leotards, staring at yourself while being told to suck in your lunch. Now add any sort of body issues to that. Say for example, you go home to a mom who is constantly on diets and criticizing her weight and body. Unfortunately, going home to a mother who deals with those issues is very common. This is where eating disorders come in. I personally developed my eating disorder around the age of 12 or 13, and dance just fanned the flames. Looking in the mirror for 20-25 hours a week had a huge impact on my brain and caused body dysmorphia. For those who don’t know. Body dysmorphia is when an individual does not have an accurate perception of their body in the mirror. The mind distorts the image you see to make yourself look bigger than you are or exaggerate insecurities. I still have trouble with mirrors because I can easily get caught in a trance like state. As you can imagine, staring at my stomach in the mirror everyday was not healthy, and I would obsess over it to where I decided not to eat as much so I could stay skinny (mind you I was 13 and hitting puberty). That’s when things snowballed into a much more complex eating disorder. According to National Library of Medicine, “The overall prevalence of eating disorders was 12.0% (16.4% for ballet dancers), 2.0% (4% for ballet dancers) for anorexia, 4.4% (2% for ballet dancers) for bulimia and 9.5% (14.9% for ballet dancers) for eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS)” (Arcelus, 2013).

4. Abuse

I did not experience any physical abuse during my time as a dancer, but I have heard stories. The classics are teachers throwing shoes at students and/or sitting on them to get the dancer to go down in their split. This is a lot more prevalent in other countries, but it still happens. There is also the emotional/mental abuse that occurs. Examples of this are comments about people’s stomachs, favoritism in the team, and ridicule for not doing good enough.

5. Lack of diversity/Intersectionality

Most dancers are women, and a lot of men who dance get made fun of for being “gay.” As with other art forms, dance is seen as something for girls. For other art forms, (painting, singing, drawing) there is more acceptance of men. However, with dance, it is still heavily gendered. This made me think about the nature of dance and being a woman, there is a lot of overlap. I would even say that dance helped to socialize me as a woman. In both being a woman and dancer, there is a desire for beauty and perfection. There is also the concept of not taking up space and making yourself smaller (“bring your belly button to your spine”). Even in freer moves in dance such as a leap, there is still so much control which goes on inside. Dance and being a woman often look effortless, yet there is so much work and pain that occurs behind the pretty face. Even smiling for the audience makes me think of how men tell women to smile for them, like the world is an audience. Have you ever heard the phrase “to be a woman is to perform?” Yeah. Dance really engrained that into me. There’s also “beauty is pain” which I think captures both very well.

Most ballet dancers are thin and white as well. Growing up it was very rare to see a POC ballet dancer. I cannot speak for women of color, and their experiences, but as with many other US institutions, there is racism which occurs. Dance is also expensive as hell. So, the people that dance are only able to do so because of the money their parents are spending. This leads to a major lack of diversity. Dance is also pretty ableist. Sure, there are disabled dancers, but I have never seen any in person. Thinking about the social model of disability, it is not the impairment that hinders people, but the way that dance is not usually accepting or accommodating of disabilities. Due this lack, most disabled people do not feel welcomed in the dance (especially ballet) community. Looking at dance from a stereotypical perspective, it appears there is no room for disabled people. But this is complete BS! I don’t think the dance community has done enough advocating or caring for those who do not look like the typical dancer. Because dance should be accessible and affordable for EVERYONE. Finally, there’s the fatphobia. I feel I do not need to elaborate on this much, although this is one of dance’s most toxic traits. I think dance has gotten a lot more body positive recently, but I see this positivity mainly in hip-hop, which has always been more inclusive. But ballet man…… There is no practical reason why ballet dancers must be skinny other than for the fatphobic people in the audience and in society. Yet this still hinders so many people? Why should one have to change their body to create art? It’s ridiculous.

References

Arcelus, J., Witcomb, G. L., & Mitchell, A. (2014). Prevalence of eating disorders amongst dancers: a systemic review and meta-analysis. European eating disorders review : the journal of the Eating Disorders Association, 22(2), 92–101. https://doi.org/10.1002/erv.2271

This post is going to be a bunch of questions and different thoughts so hang with me. We’re going to start with a quote from one of my favorite shows “Bojack Horseman” that has stuck with me for years. For context, the lady saying this is talking about a pop star who was a Miley Cyrus type child star gone “bad.” She says, “I’m a fan of her early work which both satirized and celebrated youth culture’s obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third-wave feminist if it’s even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze” (Bob-Waksberg, 2014).

Now, I’m a lesbian, so I do wonder if I am too biased to be writing this. However, I do think being outside of heteronormativity can give a more objective perspective sometimes, but this is what discussions are for. 

Anyway, immediately after hearing this quote I think about the media of course, specifically the female rap music industry. I think about this because we receive so many messages about being a boss bitch by “getting your nut and leaving” or using men for sex like they do to us, or just talking about sex in general. And I wonder, does this actually benefit women as a whole (specifically straight women)? What is empowering to a woman differs, so I’m sure this mindset helps a lot of women feel empowered. I do think it really depends, but this view ultimately places a lot of emphasis on the other person to define one’s own sexual empowerment. I also question the intention behind this message of music industries; do they want women to be empowered by encouraging them to sleep with whomever they want, or is it a set up for women to further objectify themselves and keep having sex with men/cater to the male gaze/feel validated?

When I was in this phase, it was before I realized I was a lesbian. I was basically just having sex with men as a form of self harm, to get some type of intimacy with a person, to make me feel a little more in control over my life, and get male validation. Hearing my friends talk about their  rosters and all the guys they were talking to made me feel invalidated and insecure, and I craved that validation, as most women are taught to do. So even though I didn’t like men, I only knew how to make myself feel “empowered” by having more sex with them. And of course this left me feeling empty and a little more traumatized than before. And even though I was a closeted lesbian, a lot of women have sex for the same reasons and also end up feeling unfulfilled and empty after hookups. Almost as if hookup culture wasn’t made for women. 

I think it’s easy to conform to that patriarchal view of sex and feeling prideful and validated by who or how many people they sleep with. But does the pendulum have to swing that way first, or are we swinging the wrong pendulum? Because let’s be honest, most straight men do not care about the other person’s pleasure, especially if they don’t know them well or care about them emotionally. I don’t think straight women get the same benefits as straight men during a typical hookup. 

Maybe it is possible for women to reclaim their sexuality as an individual, but being perceived by men in patriarchal society will alter that. This reminds me of the social disability model and how being a woman isn’t an impairment, but our society hinders us because of this. I guess it really just depends on each woman, but then again we all fall victim to this society, and I think it’s easy to confuse objectification with empowerment if we’re not really thinking critically about what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and if it is serving us personally. 

I also think about if this is different for the LGBTQ+ community. Although we are not conforming to heteronormative sexuality, we are all impacted by socialization. For example if a lesbian couple is free from sexual interaction with men, yet they are still fetishized while doing literally nothing in public, can they still reclaim their sexuality in this society? Or does that put too much emphasis on other people? Can one be truly happy and accepting of their sexuality when they are not accepted in society? If that’s the case, what is sexual empowerment? How can we break through that lens? Can anyone be truly sexually empowered in a patriarchal society?

One quote that I really resonated with was in “Throwing like a Girl,” by Iris Marion Young. It says, “The female person who enacts the existence of women in patriarchal society must therefore live a contradiction: as human she is a free subject who participates in transcendence, but her situation as a woman denies her that subjectivity and transcendence.” When I first read that part, I immediately thought of the menstrual cycle and how living against it impacts us mentally, physically, and spiritually. When we bleed, we are forced to slow down, to rest, to feel, to isolate, and to reflect.

For me, I also feel more connected to nature, my intuition, and psychic abilities. So, when I get my period, I usually look forward to it because I love taking that time to care for myself. I always take lots of baths, eat good food, and sleep a LOT. In this time is where I have had most of my revelations and gotten to the truth of what I was feeling. When I bleed, I also feel what I had been suppressing all month long. In addition to this, I am extremely sensitive, and not just emotionally. I personally have sensory issues in general, so when I’m bleeding my tolerance becomes very low. Unless there is a way for me to regulate myself, I will likely get angry, and this is the case for a lot (if not most) of us.

When we do not have the means to rest and take care of ourselves, whether that be money, time, or resources, we are denied our subjectivity and transcendence. The enormous growth and wisdom we gain is often stunted because we are not in an environment that is gentle and gives us the time to rest and reflect. The biological cycle of someone with a uterus is roughly 28 days; however, we are still expected to feel and perform the same every day. Over this cycle, we actually go through four phases, and I like to think of them as the seasons: winter (menstruation), spring (follicular phase), summer (ovulation), and fall (luteal phase).

Thinking about my cycle this way helped me conceptualize my nature more. I got this idea from a book I read that changed everything for me, it’s called “Red Moon” by Miranda Gray, and it talks about the mental, physical, spiritual, creative, and sexual aspects of the menstrual cycle. After reading this book, I feel so much more in touch with my body, my womb, nature, and other people with this cycle. Now when I can, I am able to slightly adjust my schedule, so I work with my nature. And although this is great, I am ultimately restricted to patriarchal society.

Click to access miranda-gray-moon-dial.pdf