Author: srema23

by

Not Okay

I don’t want to be a stereotype 

Depression has become a trend and it disgust me 

I feel unspecial when I say I have depression like I have to have suicidal problems to speak freely  

Just for ppl to see me 

To see I’m hanging on by a thread 

That I’d rather be dead 

I don’t know why people want to throw that word around

It’s not cute or cool to feel so anxious you can’t  make a sound 

You can’t make a peep but the voices inside of your head are so loud 

The voices I so desperately wanna drown out 

I don’t even remember what I sound like 

When people ask you “how are you” they just want lies

They want to hear about your happiness not hear your fatal cries 

So I just say ” I’m okay” 

“Why just okay” with their faux-concern they say

Okay for me is I’m still living 

I’m still breathing. I’m still giving 

I think I can relate more to a soldier than a civilian 

Consistently reminding myself to take control and breath in 

Because the war inside myself is everlasting 

I can only feel the wisp of happiness in passing 

I don’t know what to say when my therapist ask me what joy would look like

And I’d feel stupid for asking 

When my friends tell me their problems I can’t help but feel envy 

I wish my greatest problem was if a boy liked me 

Instead I have death as an eternal enemy 

Looming over me 

They tell me drama follows me wherever I go 

Like my life can be compared to a theme of a silly sitcom show 

Why don’t you try fighting death ?

Every day I wake up I choose to take another breath 

How’s that for drama? 

Do I have to videotape my panic attacks for everyone to see how screwed  my head is?

Do you want to see the personal hell it created ?

Will you wipe my tears from my eyes 

Will you give me words of love to match my cries?

Will you tell me to live when I feel like I might die ? 

Maybe you will take me seriously then 

And that’s the problem 

I’m not fragile 

I’m not gray with frail bones and I won’t be for awhile

Don’t even think about treating me like I’m senile 

If you believe that I’m dying too how can I live ? 

If you look at me with those pity eyes I don’t think I’ll want to have another breath to give

All I need is an ear 

My fight with death isn’t yours but it could be yours for you to hear 

If you just ask me “what can I do?” instead of “if you’re okay”

Now I might not even know what to say or know how to help me find my way 

But it doesn’t matter 

By asking that one question..my life you might’ve saved 

Don’t ask me if I’m fine 

Cause no, I’m not okay 

by

Warning

Warning 

I have stretch marks 

Stretch marks 

The stretching of skin 

Appearing on those from thick to thin

Some on men, best friend to women 

Those fierce lines 

The tiger stripes of woman pride 

That we all try to hide 

But I don’t know why

I thought we were all about beauty being natural 

Then why is media beauty posed as unfactual 

The bodies I see on my phone are unachievable and irrational

Warning 

I am not a size zero

I don’t have a tiny waist of a superhero 

I have a belly whether I’m full or famished 

I sometimes don’t eat a salad with my sandwich 

I have rolls on my back 

My biggest curves is all of me from my thighs, hips to my rack 

The mastery of self control is something I sometimes lack 

Warning 

I don’t believe it’s an ugly thing to be fat 

“Do I look fat in this”

“Does this dress make me look big” 

“I look so fat in this pic”

Since when has big become unattractive 

Society says it impossible to be fat and attractive 

Oh but being “PHAT” is okay 

Oh she got all the right curves the guys like to say 

So the bigger the better only applies to breast and ass

If your chest is bigger than your stomach then you get a free pass 

“You’re not that fat”

What do you want me to say?thank you? 

I don’t think so

Warning 

Skinny and healthy aren’t the same word 

I can be plus size and in shape no matter what you’ve heard 

You know what I’ve been forced to learn?

If my skinny friend eats burgers and fries no one bats an eye 

But if I stuff my face all eyes turn attention to my not so tiny waist 

I guess you can only pig out if you’re the size of twig 

I’m tired of my outside appearance taking from whats within 

Warning 

My “summer body” is my every day body 

Everyone’s body is a “summer body”

I won’t hide my arms because they jiggle when I raise my hand 

I won’t refuse to sit down to conceal my rolls or hold in my stomach when I stand 

Editing insta pics so I look like Kim K

When her body was permanently fixed to look that way

I will not keep altering 

When society is the one who’s faltering 

Warning 

Skinny girls have body problems but we have it worse

Now before y’all throw a fit, society doesn’t hit you where it hurts 

Halsey is the standard, Megan Fox is the goal

Lizzo is one of my only plus size idols, and her advocating for fat girls has taken its toll 

Her comments stacked with all kinds of trolls 

“Cover your body” and “No one wants to see all that”

Maybe it is a death sentence to be fat

It damn well shouldn’t be 

Just in case society brain washed you about my own body, I had to warn you 

Warning 

I am beautiful 

I am not beautiful in spite of my rolls, cellulite, and flab 

I’m beautiful because of that

by

Mortality Inheritance

Since I grew up, I always heard of inheritance as a good thing, but the older I got, the more I realized that was a white thing, apparently. Another I was tricked into the thing I could look forward to. I didn’t have some glowing substantial thing to look forward to when I reached of age, or some secret way to get ahead of life. Instead, the system gave me nothing to look forward too. Instead, I’ve developed an inherited perception, a kind of eyesight, like a pair of enhanced goggles that force me to see double. When I started wanting to drive, it wasn’t just that teenaged excitement of independence right at my fingertips, in addition, I had a talking to that if I make one adolescent mistake, it could be my life I lose not just my license. When I wanted to go to the pool during hot city summers, instead of just relaxing into the happiness of summer fun with my friends, I was worried that my hair would be ruined, that I would be seen as the pool weirdo for wearing swimming caps and grocery bag on my head for extra protection, because they didn’t make caps large enough to stuff my hair. When my brother, who was a rainbow baby, was born, my thoughts didn’t just center on the new joy of being a big sister, it echoed the worry of parents who were concerned my mother wasn’t going to receive the proper care she needed. Would I not be a big sister for the second time? My inheritance is one that has been taken on a thousandfold and I don’t want it anymore.

by

Conforming

Daily writing prompt
Which topics would you like to be more informed about?
View all responses

I wrote this poem when i was 17 years old. I was fed up with the judgement I received from my parents and my local Christian community that I have grown up with. I was starting to really branch out and not want to conform to the kind of culture I had been raised in. Modesty is a concept i grew up viewing as enforceable instead of insubstantial or a true virtue. Writing was something that helped me build on past conceptions.

Cover Judger

When I wear skirts that wrap tight around my waist 

Or bold makeup from the top to bottom of my face 

Or my Full breasts that just happen to bounce up and down while I’m on my way

Doesn’t mean you get to say whatever you wanna say 

Doesn’t mean you have a right to prey 

My body isn’t a show for you to watch and praise 

Eyes roaming from city streets to grocery stores 

Even when I show “less skin” men seem to think less is more 

Every part of my body is a threat 

Do you know what it’s like to not feel good in your skin and only feel regret?

Regretting the outfit you wore because you feel a man’s eyes on you wanting more, more, more

Why are cat calls normal ?

Like women don’t get raped every day and these rapists walk around these streets thinking they’re immortal 

Because young men are patted on the back for  the deeds of the immoral 

It’s like if you sleep with a thousand women you’re a man 

“Man up” they say because if you don’t show a woman who’s in control you’re less then

Boys will be boys, they respond with a smile 

Because apparently the male species shouldn’t be expected to control themselves WE have to go the extra mile

Adam said “You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” 

That doesn’t mean every women’s skin was made for man’s caress

Slut. Hoe. Thot. 

Apparently you can tell if a woman fit those categories just by looking at her 

If she’s showing too much skin, she can never be ladylike and prim 

If she’s covered up from head to toe, she’s worthless, no one wants a closed show

Double standards are the essence of sexism 

Instead of focusing on my clothes, what about my mind 

Try noticing a human being, before thinking “this girl is mine”

A flash of skin never means permission

A touch between touch is a mutual decision 

You know when your mom used to say look but don’t touch ? Now, I say don’t even look.