For me, identity has always been a difficult topic. For years, I only had a hazy conception of my interests, personality, and values. It may seem a bit weird, but I feel that part of my difficulty with forming an identity was because my family is poor.
I’m sure a lot of you will remember middle school and high school as a time when you and your friends were secretly dying each others hair, fighting with your parents for that new piercing, saving up to get those hot new shoes. This is the time when we’re figuring out who we are, and part of the way we do that is by deciding how to present our body.
Unfortunately when you’re poor you don’t have many options for expressing yourself using your body. My clothes came only from hand-me-downs and donations. Makeup was out of the question(I mean, $9 for mascara? C’mon). I would grow my hair out long so we wouldn’t have to pay for frequent haircuts. But man, when the day came to chop all that hair off, I planned my hairstyle for weeks!
If our minds and bodies were entirely separate things, the problems I described would be minor problems at best. However you don’t just have clothes hanging on your body, how your body presents affects how you think. You don’t just wear the suit, you become the businessman. Because I couldn’t play around with clothes styles and makeup, I felt like I had no control over my body. As my clothes styles got more jumbled from years of donation, so did my sense of self.
Fast forward to college. I’m an undecided freshman with a steady income, overwhelmed with new opportunities to invent myself with clothes, majors, clubs, and new friendships. I’ve realized that although I missed out on a self that could have been, I now value who I’m becoming so much more. Without that experience, I would never have thought about how important my body is to my sense of self.
The body is an important marker of identity for us all. We use pictures and avatars that look similar to our bodies (or our ideal bodies) as markers for ourselves. We alter our bodies in numerous ways to express ourselves. We use dress to signify our class, gender, interests, and values. Society is based upon the assumption that we shape and adorn our bodies. But sometimes society shapes our body for us.
Unruly Bodies 
This is a very insightful piece! The connection between the outward appearance changing the inner demeanor is intriguing and something that I haven’t thought of before. I’m glad that you have used your past experiences to aid you in appreciating what you have now and allowing you to grow. Thanks for sharing 🙂
This was a really nice read. I find it strange that oftentimes, people, especially those from more economically “comfy” backgrounds, don’t understand the underlying, almost “spiritual” significance of their consumerism. Interestingly, I feel like a lot of people neglect to acknowledge just how deeply one’s personal style and ability to express it define one’s identity, both on the “inside” and out. It’s great to hear that things have been looking up for you lately, and I hope this trend of positive personal growth continues.
This post is great and I appreciate it a lot. I was temporarily homeless for a quick minute there but thankfully I have a place now. I don’t fully understand how you feel because I never grew up in intense poverty, but I did grow up struggling. Being poor is so expensive and it’s so limiting. I don’t really know what to say here but I get it. It’s so difficult and so…asphyxiating at times. I’m thankful for it though. I definitely think it made me appreciate little things more deeply and made me more empathetic and understanding of the world around me. University definitely gives me more opportunities to grow and provide for myself, to keep discovering myself and all of that. Thank you for sharing this!