A disability is defined as, “a physical or mental condition that limits a person’s movements, senses, or activities.” I’m hesitant to call my anxiety disorder a disability but I can’t help but to think of this definition. 

I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t anxious, but I didn’t become aware of what anxiety actually meant until the tail-end of high school. I would wake up in the morning before school, sick to my stomach, my body locked with fear. There was no rhyme or reason for this daily occurrence and I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. I didn’t have an unpleasant high school experience, I had friends and supportive parents, so what was my problem?

My parents and teachers were the first to recognize my anxiety before I became aware of it within myself. My teachers noticed increased anxiety when a paper or test was due. They knew I studied hard and came prepared but as soon as the test paper hit my desk, I second-guessed myself and all of my hard work was lost. My parents realized I had anxiety issues at home when my bottled up feelings and stresses came out in the form of an emotional breakdown which came equipped with terrible trembling and uncontrollable crying fits. For the longest time growing up when this happened, I couldn’t stop myself from crying to let my parents know what was wrong in the first place.

My senior year in high school, I finally asked for help. I remember telling my parents that I wanted to see a doctor about medication as well as seek counseling. I was terribly embarrassed and convinced myself that I was crazy for feeling this way. After all of those painful years, I finally realized that this was just something that was out of my control, it was a part of my genetic make-up and it was okay to seek help.

Now, as a woman in my early twenties, I very rarely feel that crippling anxiety built up deep in the pit of my stomach, mostly because the medication masks that feeling but also because I have taught myself to roll with anxiety’s punches. Although it’s something that I just have to live with, I have learned to cope with my anxiety in a healthy manner. I am an individual living with an anxiety disorder but that does not make me weak. We all have our own personal disabilities and that’s what makes us all valuable.