I can’t remember the last time I missed an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. Even though I hate to admit it, it’s more than just a reality tv show. Over the years, it’s really brought out my hopeless romantic side where I’ve caught myself daydreaming about who I’d potentially give my “final rose” to. But, as I’ve had my fair share of relationships, I’ve quickly realized that they never quite looked like the ones that are portrayed on TV. The dates that I’ve been on haven’t involved a private jet or a zipline experience through an exotic rainforest. Although I’d like to say they’ve been meaningful and special, I can’t help but compare them to the ones on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.

As much as I love this show and all of the beautiful experiences and dates that the contestants get to have, I have to remind myself that it’s not something that I should be comparing my own personal life to. Although the show may seem harmless because it airs once a week, it has the power to reinforce harmful stereotypes that younger generations are using to set their own expectations for relationships.

The ultimate goal of the lucky Bachelor or Bachelorette is to end up engaged to the “love of their life”. We all secretly want that to happen but in reality, most relationships do not result in a proposal two to three months into seeing one another, so why are we always crossing our fingers for this result on the show? By reinforcing this expectation, we also are giving off the impression that the only way to true happiness is through committed heterosexual relationships. However, in 2020, we are seeing that this is far from the case. There are plenty of people that are happily committed to one another, regardless of sexuality, who do not have rings on their fingers. 

Another harmful stereotype that this show reinforces is that love moves at the speed of light. Oftentimes, if the final rose ceremony doesn’t end in a proposal, America seems to be disappointed and unfulfilled by the show. However, love can’t be forced in 6 weeks…and relationships move at different paces so I’m not quite sure why we are shocked to see couples break-up post-show when they’ve only known each other for a short period of time. We need to be able to separate ourselves from what we see on television because it has the power to dictate not only our thoughts but our relationships and attitudes towards our future decisions. 

Now my critiques are not to say that we have to abandon the show, it’s just to say that we need to become more aware of what we’re watching and be able to distinguish it from the real world. I mean you will still find me cuddled up on my couch at 8 pm every Tuesday, waiting to see how Clare approaches the rest of the season. But, I’m able to rest my head on the pillow each night knowing that my personal life and future relationships should not mirror the experiences on the shows.