I would like to preface this with the fact that I am in an emotionally abusive household. This does not take away from all that a college student faces while living at home, but it also means there is also a lot for me to battle on a personal level.
I am the oldest of three. My mother still babies my siblings who are now in 8th grade and high school. For me, it means that my mother puts all of the household responsibilities on me. Such as feeding the dogs in the morning. Taking both dogs out in the morning, sporadic pees in the day, and night. Helping the kids with homework. Making sure the dishwasher is emptied. Assisting her if she isn’t feeling well. Doing the majority of the clean up after dinner. Yet, I am not the only one who lives here. This isn’t a section of me complaining, but rather a look into what else a student may be juggling on Top of school work and whatever job they may have. This is also not even beginning to dive into what it means to have a social life in the current climate, which is a beast in its own.
We as students have a mix of labels thrust upon us at this time. At school I am an adult. At work I am an employee who needs to be at my shift on time and perform my job well. At home I am a kid who needs to “step it up to help around here”. It is hard to balance everything and make everyone happy while still remaining sane.
Within the pandemic itself, the semester never felt like it started. Time is a social construct to begin with, but the lack of structure is displacing. Our entire lives we have been conditioned to go to school and sit in a classroom with a teacher at the front of the room. That is how we have been trained to learn and study. With that particular structure. Yes, there are online universities, but those are specifically structured to be online. We, meaning students and professors, were all thrust into this suddenly and are still learning how to cope. The homework load is insane as it seems professors are overcompensating for lost class time. Not all classes are regularly scheduled, so trying to even get into the groove of normality is near impossible. On top of the insane load mixed with the alternate reality we seem to be in, we are still expected to maintain our GPAs and perform well in our exams.
I want to learn, but being at home while in class has proven more than challenging. I am overworked. Plain and simple. So there have been a class or two I will admit I have fallen asleep in. The perk of being home is that I can go to class in bed and still in my underwear, but it also means there is no distinction between my work time and my relaxation time. I can guarantee I have not learned anything this semester. I have retained nothing. The only thing I have learned is how to get by without focusing on a single thing in class. And I still got a 4.0 this semester. How does that make any sense? I did not pay attention, did the minimal work, and still skated by. What does that mean for our classes? I don’t have the solution to fix anything, but it certainly is not great for students right now, and I wish the people in my life were more sympathetic to it.
It is also hard to see how much we are all struggling when it is the same thing every day. I am so used to seeing my family every day I do not notice any emotional shifts that are happening gradually. My therapist is “concerned” about me because I am exhausted and seem to be more so each week, but hell, I didn’t even notice. The reality for students is that we do not have time to be tired. We are expected to be functioning and ready to go for each exam, each final project, each group discussion, each reading, each writing response, each paper, etc. If we are not on top of everything going on in our lives at any given moment it begins to pile up and add even more pressure to an already crappy situation. We fear for ourselves getting sick at work to come home to do chores and deal with our families to continue to work on All of the hours of homework to only show up to a class that we are only attending for the attendance points and graduate with a degree that is a simple piece of paper we have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars for. And what is it all for anyway?
Welcome to being a student in the pandemic. If you graduate without experiencing anxiety, depression, or so much stress your hair is turning grey, can you please tell us the secret to your superpower? It is a rarity that should be studied.
To all the students out there, keep powering through. We are doing our best, and that is enough.
Unruly Bodies 
I loved how you pointed out that with online school, “there is no distinction between my work time and my relaxation time” because that’s so so relatable! There used to feel a sense of relief after returning home from school, the knowledge that this was a place of rest but it’s been stolen away. I miss being able to sit at home without the guilt of not being productive.
Even though it’s dangerous and scary, I think that’s why going to work during quarantine has been such a relief for me, because it’s a way that I can concentrate without thinking about school and when I return home, I don’t take my work with me. It has a place and it stays there. I don’t have to even think about it when I’m at home and there’s something so quietly and mundanely wonderful about that.
I’m so sorry that you have to go through such grueling work at home, work, and school. I really hope things get better for you, from one oldest child (and college student!) to another.
I totally feel the pain of online schooling. This is my last year of college, and all past 3 years I have lived at school. I was so used to being independent but also being near my friends. I loved the feeling of “schooling” at school but also being able to come home as my comfort spot. But now that home has become my school and comfort spot, it’s a combination that does not get along so well. I definitely feel like professors have made things more difficult with this whole online schooling thing but that does not make sense to me because most professors seem to be struggling themselves, so why make it harder for your students? Hopefully this does not last long and students will be back at school, but for those who are graduating (like me) this was definitely quiet the experience. Good luck and stay strong!
Thank you for sharing. Although I do not live with my parents, I deeply empathize for the situation you’re in, especially as someone from an abusive family/household myself. Having to navigate dysfunctional dynamics and expectations of labor to be able to exist in a space is exhausting.It’s hard to take a grounding moment when there is constant expectation of output from others, and this can be such a disservice to our mental health and well-being. Sending you love and warmth and hope that you are able to finish the semester strong!
The vast difference of labels placed on students our age is something that I find EXTREMELY taxing. At school I am a senior; I’m looked up to by younger students, I’m in charge of organizing things for my clubs, I want to pass down knowledge to others so they don’t have to struggle with the same unnecessary things I did. At one of my jobs, I am an employee; I fall in line and do the work. Unless the manager isn’t there, then I become the manager and I have to switch from one label to another; now I’m in charge of the people that were just on the same level as me. And tomorrow I have to go back to that level. At another of my jobs I am the new employee, I have lots to learn and am extremely receptive to others around me. I’m trying to prove myself without embarrassing myself. At home, I am the child who left the nest. I am gone but they still want to hold onto me. In MY life I am me. I am responsible for taking care of myself and supporting myself. All of this switching between roles and the back and forth is exhausting. I’m proud of you for putting up with the things you do. We see you, we hear you, I’m here for you if you ever need anything. I understand that you haven’t been up for a lot recently and that’s okay (middle finger emoji here) [to everyone else, that is an inside thing between us]
I agree with almost everything you said. I lived at school for the first part of the semester but on November 23rd they kicked us all off so people would not come back from Thanksgiving with COVID. This means I am now back at my parents house. Even with it being a 3-bedroom two floor house it feels like my dad and I, he works from home now, are constantly on top of each other. He asks me to things around the house, which I guess is fine but he expects them done soon after he asks. I cannot do things on my own time anymore. I just want to go back to school. All the time has become relaxation time now that I am home again, expect while relaxing I am also stressing. Stressing about when I will get my work done that is way past due. I’m sure I’ll make it through but not without at least one more breakdown.
Good luck, hopefully things will look up for you.
This post is so important and I relate to it on SO many levels. I’ve been feeling this exact way all semester. I remember at the beginning of the semester feeling frustrated that, in a household with me, my 16 year old sister, my mom, and my dad, my mother only ever expected me to be the one to keep up with anything she didn’t want to handle. This semester I’ve been taking four online classes which I’ve never done before, I’ve been working retail 30 hours a week, I’ve been trying to keep up with an internship, and run a student group virtually which I had also never done before. I had several shifts a week that started at 6 in the morning after having assignments due at 11:59 the night before, meaning I’d be running on 4 hours of sleep if I was lucky. When I wasn’t at work, I was falling asleep in class, sending emails to plan events for my org, or working on internship projects. And then my mother would look at me and say “So I guess I’m just supposed to clean all this up.” I’m also the eldest daughter so naturally any extra mom duties fall to me. My mother is a stay-at-home mom, which is obviously a real job that I will always respect, however, I felt like she refused to see that of everyone in the house, I was doing the most. I couldn’t even take a nap without feeling guilty. I fell behind in all of my classes except this one, to be honest. I stopped going to lectures and had several missing assignments that I just turned in this week. On top of the pressure at home, my job would consistently ask me to come in on days I had “off” (they weren’t really days off because I would just use that time to try to do other work). That was extremely frustrating because I felt like they were not respecting the fact that I had other things going on in my life more important than folding jeans and changing mannequin outfits. This “unprecedented” pandemic semester has honestly taught me so much about the culture of capitalism in this country and I’ve never hated it more. We’re expected to constantly be working and producing even though there’s a never-ending worry that we or someone we love will get sick, even though it’s freezing outside and gets dark at 4pm, even though we only get paid $11 an hour. And all that work is expected to be top notch. It’s too much and it makes me really sad and angry that we’re supposed to just accept that this is how life is when really it does not need to be this way and I genuinely believe humans are not built to live like this.
I relate to this a lot. I live in an emotionally abusive household as well. That’s why it was nice to live on campus or to at least get out of the house. Sometimes I feel like I will go crazy staying with my family. There’s also the fact that I already struggle with severe social anxiety so I’m scared for when we have to go back into society. I don’t know when I will be ready again I’ve gotten more used to solitude than ever. I also lack motivation to go to online class or even do my work. The quality of work is honestly garbage right now. I hate this pandemic. But it does help that I get to stay with my boyfriend quite often. I’m hoping you’re okay in your household.
Hey friend, I can really relate to this and I’m sorry that you are having this experience. It’s especially frustrating because being at home, parents seem to forget that my time outside of class is still time that I *should* be at school, and therefore is not actually free time to do whatever random chores or tasks they want done. Like, for all intents and purposes that is school time that I would have used for homework and such, but because I’m at home they want my not-actively-in-class-or-at-work time to be available for helping out, and creating that school/home boundary is really hard. :c