I would like to preface this with the fact that I am in an emotionally abusive household. This does not take away from all that a college student faces while living at home, but it also means there is also a lot for me to battle on a personal level.
I am the oldest of three. My mother still babies my siblings who are now in 8th grade and high school. For me, it means that my mother puts all of the household responsibilities on me. Such as feeding the dogs in the morning. Taking both dogs out in the morning, sporadic pees in the day, and night. Helping the kids with homework. Making sure the dishwasher is emptied. Assisting her if she isn’t feeling well. Doing the majority of the clean up after dinner. Yet, I am not the only one who lives here. This isn’t a section of me complaining, but rather a look into what else a student may be juggling on Top of school work and whatever job they may have. This is also not even beginning to dive into what it means to have a social life in the current climate, which is a beast in its own.
We as students have a mix of labels thrust upon us at this time. At school I am an adult. At work I am an employee who needs to be at my shift on time and perform my job well. At home I am a kid who needs to “step it up to help around here”. It is hard to balance everything and make everyone happy while still remaining sane.
Within the pandemic itself, the semester never felt like it started. Time is a social construct to begin with, but the lack of structure is displacing. Our entire lives we have been conditioned to go to school and sit in a classroom with a teacher at the front of the room. That is how we have been trained to learn and study. With that particular structure. Yes, there are online universities, but those are specifically structured to be online. We, meaning students and professors, were all thrust into this suddenly and are still learning how to cope. The homework load is insane as it seems professors are overcompensating for lost class time. Not all classes are regularly scheduled, so trying to even get into the groove of normality is near impossible. On top of the insane load mixed with the alternate reality we seem to be in, we are still expected to maintain our GPAs and perform well in our exams.
I want to learn, but being at home while in class has proven more than challenging. I am overworked. Plain and simple. So there have been a class or two I will admit I have fallen asleep in. The perk of being home is that I can go to class in bed and still in my underwear, but it also means there is no distinction between my work time and my relaxation time. I can guarantee I have not learned anything this semester. I have retained nothing. The only thing I have learned is how to get by without focusing on a single thing in class. And I still got a 4.0 this semester. How does that make any sense? I did not pay attention, did the minimal work, and still skated by. What does that mean for our classes? I don’t have the solution to fix anything, but it certainly is not great for students right now, and I wish the people in my life were more sympathetic to it.
It is also hard to see how much we are all struggling when it is the same thing every day. I am so used to seeing my family every day I do not notice any emotional shifts that are happening gradually. My therapist is “concerned” about me because I am exhausted and seem to be more so each week, but hell, I didn’t even notice. The reality for students is that we do not have time to be tired. We are expected to be functioning and ready to go for each exam, each final project, each group discussion, each reading, each writing response, each paper, etc. If we are not on top of everything going on in our lives at any given moment it begins to pile up and add even more pressure to an already crappy situation. We fear for ourselves getting sick at work to come home to do chores and deal with our families to continue to work on All of the hours of homework to only show up to a class that we are only attending for the attendance points and graduate with a degree that is a simple piece of paper we have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars for. And what is it all for anyway?
Welcome to being a student in the pandemic. If you graduate without experiencing anxiety, depression, or so much stress your hair is turning grey, can you please tell us the secret to your superpower? It is a rarity that should be studied.
To all the students out there, keep powering through. We are doing our best, and that is enough.
Unruly Bodies 