For this post, I’m going to be sharing some comments about my health that I find deeply hurtful and explaining why those comments were personally hurtful. Now I am going to mention all of these comments were not meant to be offensive. People said these things to be helpful, supportive, or just didn’t know anything about me.
“You’re so lucky that you are young and healthy!”
Please never ever say this to anyone. This assumes that everyone who looks “normal” is healthy. That is completely and utterly wrong. My family uses to say this before I opened up a bit about having health problems. Whenever a family member said this it would bring up all these nasty emotions. I felt like a liar and horrible human being for not sharing with my family. I also felt like a freak and an outsider for not being “normal”. Whenever strangers say this I have no idea what to do. I’m not going to share my medical history with a stranger. And I shouldn’t have to justify or correct them. But I also don’t want to agree with them. I’ve spent a decent chunk of my life hiding and being ashamed. And I still/ probably always will struggle with admitting I need medical help. Right now I usually just put on a smile and make noises that people can take for agreement (“Mmhhh!”) and then quickly and quietly leave. And I swear 99.9% of the time whenever I get told this I’m in a decent amount of pain. I’m not quite sure if I should be happy or sad my masking skills are apparently quite good.
“You’re too young to have all these problems!”
Age is no magic protective barrier against illness or even death. I also strongly dislike the implication that my health problems would be acceptable if I was older. Besides, I just get plain sick of hearing this. Since opening up, I get this all the time. Plus it puts me in an awkward position. What exactly am I supposed to say back to this? “I agree do you want to talk to my body or should I?” or “Yep I’m a freak! Thanks for the confirmation!”
“Maybe your body is just breaking down?”
This is thankfully only a comment I got once from a relative. This was supposed to be a nice comment that I hope came out horrifically wrong and at the worst possible time. At the time of the comment, I was going through a lot of medical tests/ medications. One reason was one of my knees was really hurting and wasn’t functioning normally. Mentally and physically that was one of the worst summers of my life. It was necessary for the quality of life but it took a toll. And that comment was essentially a slap to the face. I wanted answers and this comment highlighted my fear of there being no reason why I was hurting. Also, the thought of my body beginning to fail in my early 20s is really not reassuring. What would my body be like in my 50s? Heck, could I even live to my 60s then?
Overall just be mindful/ aware when dealing with people. Don’t walk on eggshells but don’t make blind assumptions. You never know exactly what a person is going through or what demons they maybe carrying. And if you do mess up it’s ok! To error is to be human. Apologize and try to do better in the future. And most importantly let the person you accidentally hurt make their own decisions about the apology. Best case they’ll accept it. Worst case a relationship may be over.
Unruly Bodies 
Wow, I loved everything about this post. I think that it’s important to shed light on the conversations and statements that are sometimes hard to talk about. The comments that you selected often go unnoticed by many and get swept under the rug a lot. There’s so much danger that can come from making certain assumptions, especially about people’s health. Like you said, you never know what someone is going through internally. It might not show up on the outside but inside, someone could really be in pain or struggling mentally. As I’m recovering from my eating disorder, I remember times where I appeared to be healthy on the inside but my mental and physical health were suffering. It just goes to show that we have to be more mindful of what comes out of our mouths and make sure that we’re being cautious of topics that could trigger someone to think poorly of themselves. I’m glad you brought attention to this issue because there aren’t many blog posts about this topic!
Omg, I’ve definitely heard these things before and it makes me cringe. Thanks for writing this post, explaining why these aren’t the right things to say.
I’ve definitely heard these things be said from older relatives. I wonder if it has to do with ageism with these assumptions and responses. Nevertheless, you’re absolutely right that some people just don’t really think about the things they say but those words can be inherently hurtful. It’s definitely okay to learn from mistakes, but it’s really important that people come to the realization that these things are hurtful. This post is really great considering all we’ve talked about in the course. Thanks for sharing this with us! ❤
I like this post because I’ve heard comments like these before and I also have an “invisible” health issue that causes me a lot of pain, but I haven’t disclosed it to any of my family members. I’m often suffering from pain but I’ve been keeping it private for so long that I’m also simultaneously impressed and scared by how good my masking skills are. I’ve only seen a doctor about it once and then because I don’t know anything about how insurance works, I ended up getting a huge charge that my mom had to pay for, but I still didn’t tell her what the appointment was about. I know that I should ask her for help so I can get the right medical attention but at the same time, I’m scared to admit something is wrong for some reason so I’ve just been attempting to self-treat for years. I agree that we shouldn’t ever make assumptions about people’s health, especially when it’s really no one’s business but the individual dealing with it.