I have learned so much about gender since I have been at UMBC, including outside of class. Before my first GWST class in the Fall 2019 semester, Introduction to Sexuality Studies, I had never even heard of the basic distinction between gender identity and assigned or biological sex. I am happy to say that I have come such a long way, although it is a lifelong time of learning, as gender and the language use to describe it is constantly evolving and changing.
In an odd way, I sometimes feel as though the more I learn about gender and sex, the less I know about it, especially in respect to my own gender identity journey. It is an incredibly frustrating experience to not have the adequate terminology to describe yourself. I know I’m not a girl, that is for damn sure. But, if that is the case, what does that make me? Are my options “man” and “nonbinary”? Yes, I am aware of nonbinary being an umbrella category that encompasses many identities. My understanding is that the general consensus on our contemporary perception of gender in Western culture is that there are three main terms: men, women, and nonbinary people. Some nonbinary subcategory identity labels include genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, graygender, demigender (such as demiboy and demigirl), and bigender.
But, what if none of those feel comfortable to me, not even “nonbinary” itself? The term that I have defaulted to since coming out as trans is “transmasculine” because it feels comfortable, and it also allows me to have the wiggle room that I still need. Unsurprisingly, I am the main one putting pressure on myself to quickly and neatly and perfectly find the answer to my tumultuous gender quest. If I am being perfectly honest to myself, I do not know whether I will ever be completely sure about what my gender identity is.
Does it even matter, though? Gender, as I have learned, is a man-made social construction. So are the words and phrases we use around it, and so is language altogether. I have to remind myself of these things, and that at the end of the day, I am me. I know who I am, even if I lack the linguistic ways to describe it.
Unruly Bodies 
Hi friend! Labels and defined identities are only necessary if you want them– and I hope that if you do want one, you are able to find one that feels comfortable for you! Also, I have a friend who uses “genderfuck” as its own label, which I think is really neat. The linguistic development of words and terms to describe people and identities outside the binary is so interesting, but it can definitely feel almost oppressive at times when trying to sort through it all- there are so many options, and at the same time so few. ❤
Genderfuck is such a good title for this. Gender really is a fucking mess in all senses of the term. Gender itself is a man-made concept, so creating and finding your own gender is so difficult. As an non-binary person, that’s all I go by. The label may be able to be specified, but it doesn’t have to be. labels are for your use and no one else’s. Use the label that makes you feel comfortable and you’ll be just fine. If anyone gives you shit for it, then tell them to fuck off.