This is going to be another gay story. If you don’t want to hear the self expression and journey of a queer, nonbinary human, please skip to the end where I reflect back on how I’ve made it in life and all is well in the world.
I knew I was attracted to men and women when I was 12 years old. I didn’t know much about being LGBT, but I just knew that I had crushes on girls and boys. Being in 6th grade, I liked to think I was the gay pioneer of my class. In a way, I was, as I was the first person to come out publicly in my grade. Of course, that means I was the target of bullying. I had to keep my eyes on the locker when changing in the dressing room, as every girl thought I was attracted to them. I didn’t have the voice to express that that wasn’t even remotely how attraction works. This also made me an oddity to boys as they knew I wasn’t a man but, because I like girls, I couldn’t possibly be a “proper” female. During this time, I developed the twisted idea that I couldn’t love a girl if I was feminine. I started to dress in men’s clothing and imaged myself in the body of a man. I had no concept of gender fluidity, only that there was men and there was women.
Over the course of my three years in middle school, more and more people began to come out of the closet. By the time I reached high school, it wasn’t strange to be gay anymore. Around then, I figured out that it wasn’t just men and women I fell for, but all different kinds of people. It didn’t matter to me what your gender was, what your genitals were, or what you looked like. In the shortest of terms, I changed my label to pansexual. People didn’t entirely know what this meant either, only that it was outside the normal. My gender expression developed as well. I learned that it was okay to be masculine and feminine, and it did not mean you were any less of a person because if it.
Three months ago, I changed my pronouns to they/them. It doesn’t feel right to be referred to as female, but I definitely know I’m not a man. It’s okay for me to be feminine and it’s okay for me to be masculine. It is okay for me to be both and express myself outwardly that way. For another time in my life, people are learning to figure me out. And while it has gone well so far, there have been bumps in the road. So, I suppose, all is not well in the world and I’ve not quite made it in life just yet. But I’m working on it.
Unruly Bodies 
You opening up this blog post with that first paragraph was funny and real as shit. Straight to the point. Talking about your middle and high school days I remember in middle school, claiming bisexual was a trend. I remember left and right girls would say they were bisexual. Like it was a thing to dibble and dabble with girls. Of course I can’t read people’s mind nor can say how they feel, but it was just strange. As someone who knew that they liked girls and at the time someone who genuinely thought they were bisexual was irritated and annoyed. It almost felt as if they were taking away from the weight and meaning of sexuality and so I didn’t even want to say that I was bisexual cause I didn’t want to be grouped in by others or myself with the girls who have really been doing it for a trend. It kind of sucks that people have to “figure you out” but I guess that’s the way things go. I’m still figuring some things out, but it is nice to read about your journey of self-realization and understanding what you like and how you prefer to be addressed.