content warning: mention of rape and sexual assault

In this last year, I became more conscious of the male gaze in my life than I ever had before. I felt that the men around me saw me only as a projection of their sexual desire or as a figure of feminine comfort, and I couldn’t shake the constant feeling of being observed. In my struggle to assert my personhood, without being objectified, I felt paralyzed. If I wore a short shirt and crop top, I was hot, sexy, something to be desired, but if I covered up to avoid being sexualized, I was hiding from their gaze, cowering. If I was kind and empathetic, I was the girl next door, someone to take care of them, but if I was rude or blunt, I was a bitch. I felt lost. Alone I was safe, but the world of men held “the threat of being seen,” as Young described it (154).

At the same time, I was rekindling my love of Greek mythology and the myth of Medusa, which had never stood out to me before, grabbed me now. There are multiple variations on Medusa’s story. The most common is that Medusa, a beautiful Grecian maiden, had an affair with Poseidon in a temple of Athena. For this, Athena cursed Medusa into the monster most of us are familiar with: a green hag with snakes for hair who turns anyone who locks eyes with her to stone. In this version of the myth, Medusa is punished for exhibiting her sexuality, while the man (a god and therefore, relatively, untouchable) goes unpunished. Her punishment is the removal of her beauty; no man will find want her again. However, in another variation of the myth, Medusa is raped by Poseidon, and still punished by Athena. In this version, Medusa is punished, not for her own expression of sexuality, but for the sexuality forced upon her by a more powerful man. She did not choose to be an object of desire for Poseidon, nor did she choose to fulfill that desire, but she was punished for it nonetheless. Both of these versions of the myth exemplify the ways that women are punished for their bodies and the ways that others’ perceive their bodies. The threats of being seen or invasion of body space, the other fear Young describes, have very real consequences for women.

My favorite variation on this myth is more empowering though. In this version, Medusa is raped by Poseidon, but instead of a curse, Athena changes Medusa as a way to protect her. Men will no longer see her as an object for desire, so they will no longer be a threat (this is of course an over-simplification of why sexual assault and harassment occurs), and any who do attempt to gaze upon her will be turned to stone. Medusa’s head was actually used as as symbol of protection in ancient Greece for women fleeing from sexual or domestic violence because of this myth. This version of Medusa’s story is the one that I latched onto, and helped me feel secure in my body and its presentation, despite men’s constant gaze. In June, I got Medusa’s head tattooed on my lower back. I cannot keep men from observing me, but I like to pretend that if they happen to catch the eye of my Medusa, they won’t be doing much after that.