Beautiful just the way we are.

No matter how much I think I have my body “under control”, I just simply don’t. I struggle day in and day out with the idea of looking perfect, and to everyone elses expectations of what a woman’s body should look like. Instagram isn’t doing me any favors, neither is TikTok, or Twitter; let’s just say the internet in general. It seems that no matter how many calories I track, how much I weigh when I step on the scale, how good I look that day, I’m just simply unhappy with my body.

I think not only does it stem from the pressure of society, but the weight from myself when I compare to other good looking women that everyone seems to want. Everyone wants to be their friend, their significant other, they’re wanted. I am simply… not (at least in my mind). I try to pretend like I am happy with what I look like, and who I am is enough, but it is just lies and is simply not true. Thoughts deceive me every time I think I have made progress to loving my body, and being what they consider “body positive”. Shrinking myself to be close to the weight I used to be, while torturing myself by not having the foods I want and crave. It all seems too much to bare sometimes. So. Much. Pressure. Especially if you workout. Instead of just wanting to get your body moving, now you’re focusing on if you see any results, if you gained any muscle but lost any fat. If you met your macros and calories for the day. Being “healthy” is being in a caloric deficit apparently.

Being who we are SHOULD BE ENOUGH. Being funny and smart and would do anything for anyone, even if it was a stranger on the street. Having compassion should be enough. Being there for your loved ones should be enough. It’s about what you DO in this life, not how you physically appear to others. I want to be healthy, but for ME. Not so I can look good for anyone else, but so I can physically feel better. I admit my choices in my diet aren’t the best, but life is also too short to give a crap about that. I want to enjoy moments that I may never get back, and people I love, not have to worry about bringing my own meals to an event to be able to “hit my goals” so they say. It all seems like there has to be a better way to be healthy. I guess the first step is to accept yourself and do the inner work, the outer work won’t happen without it.