Why is asking for help so difficult? As long as I can remember I literally never want to ask for help. In my mind, I always feel like my problem just aren’t deemed important enough to need someone else to help me. But why do I feel like that? So many people ask for help every day and it is never an issue so why can’t I?

This past year I had my 4th ACL surgery. For those of you that don’t know what that is, it is a major knee surgery. It wasn’t my first time going through this kind of thing, I knew what to expect. I knew I was going to be on crutches for 6 week and I wasn’t going to be able to walk, yet why would I ask for anyone to help me? It pained me to have to ask people to grab simple things for me or drive me from one place to another. I literally couldn’t walk. It was okay for me to ask for help, yet I still didn’t want to because I felt like a burden to friends constantly needing someone around. It wasn’t until my boyfriend and my best friend stopped waiting for me to ask for help, they would just already be there to do anything I needed. I wish I could figure out why I didn’t want to just ask for some help on tasks I knew I couldn’t handle and I had people around me to help.

I feel like sometimes as a society we don’t want to ask for help when we need it because we don’t want to be seen as weak. Or maybe that’s just me? I think I just hate having to rely on other people. I am a very independent person, but even so, there are so so many people that care enough to help me, yet I just don’t accept it. For instance my dad asks me everyday, when are you gonna get a math tutor? I answer every time saying “soon” knowing very well I am not going to get one even though I need one yet I just refuse to ask for help. Maybe I am just afraid of not being able to take everything on by myself? Maybe my own insecurities? I feel like I am making life way more difficult for myself.