Emotional labor is the act of “regulating or managing emotional expressions with others as part of one’s professional work role”. For the context of this blog post, I will also be referencing emotional work as well, which is the role people use in any social context.
RANT: Every post, YouTube video, and link that I looked at typically focused on the emphasis of how women have been the brute focus of emotional work and often, labor. WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?!
BLOG: Ideally, men have been the focus, but in our current generation, I am starting to wonder if men are becoming the scapegoat for blame. There are good and bad things to this, but I can only share my experiences. From growing up in a household as an adopted child to working in hospitality at some of the best hotels in the Houston area, to coming home and being expected to “clean up everyone else’s shit” (one of my ex’s fathers literally told me this and suggested I work for some type of plumbing company) to experiencing my own version of emotional labor is…exhausting. As a recommendation, if you’re dealing with being the emotional laborer of your family or workplace, I suggest counseling, good friends, hobbies, and money.
Now that I have your attention, the emphasis on emotional labor during this period of the class was for women. Honestly, I love that. Often, the strongest women in my life have carried the emotional labor of EVERYONE in the family. My Grandmother (capital G, because she truly is a G), and my Aunt (who raised me, God bless her soul) have not only raised multiple members of the family but have guided others and influenced people for generations to come. I can endlessly explain what they have done for everyone, including my impaired brother (this falls into the disability category of the past few weeks, but I decided to not go in-depth with these issues and instead focus on emotional labor…anyway) My Grandmother has done amazing things as a widowed woman, and when my grandfather was alive, what I recall of him, he was a remarkable man, veteran, and overall generally good person. In order for him to be that he needed to have an even stronger woman there to not only support him, but to motivate and guide him. We so often focus on a certain gender, but I think its vital to focus and include everyone because we cannot physically do it all on our own – even if social media suggests that we do.
When it comes to emotional labor for myself, as an older male, I grew up with the family vibe of “you want it? Do it yourself” This mindset has its own version of toxic masculinity and it worked for a time, but as I have grown older and started practicing gratitude, meditation, and fitness, I have learned that kindness is the key to growing. However, that is also the curse of being easily manipulated and being the scapegoat out of a lack of emotion – if you allow yourself to be. When working as a hotel supervisor, I found myself taking on the emotional verbal abuse of people that travelled so far and attempted to check in, but one minor inconvenience (Well…one time there was a major inconvenience, we sold out and by the time they got there…the people didn’t have a room… and they were diamond members which is equivalent to being a traveling version of Karen) set them over the top, and I had to apologize profusely, make up for their issues by giving them a free nights stay at another hotel, etc… all while keeping a smile on my face. So dumb, but it was vital in learning how to maneuver around people when they are angry and teaching myself how to stay calm in the face of disappointment. That’s an invaluable trait and lessons/memories that I am grateful for.
I don’t know, I am a believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I should allow myself to be the gatekeeper of my own “shit”, to be more selfish and selfless at the same time, and to lack the attempt to understand everything and everyone around me but I cant do that shrug. In essence, I think all of us must have some type of role in emotional labor, but please, don’t forget to take care of your mental, physical, and financial well-being. Your family, friends, and pets will thank you for it. (I will always choose to be kind and thank you to all of the people in my life, wouldn’t be me without YOU).
Unruly Bodies 
Hello!
I really liked the set up you had for your blog, and I completely agree with you being the barrier or emotional labor no matter the environment is always heavy and exhausting. I liked how you used examples from work then to your home, and then how you felt about it in terms of your personality. I agree with you though, I too am the person everyone takes their anger out on or rants on, and so on. It definitely gets exhausting and questions how much of it you are willing to take at the expense of yourself. In terms of family and friends, I think it is sometimes hard to remember that there are lines that should be drawn for your own peace and happiness. A simple “ Do you have the mental space to talk about this?” would go a long way. And there’s this quote that I like that says “you can’t fill from an empty cup” which just emphasizes that to be something you have to do that for yourself first! In terms of work, i’m right there with you! I’m still trying to figure that out myself
Hello,
I also went through the family vibe of “you want it? Do it yourself” or “you want it? work for it, here are the things you can do to pay it up” but have never seen it as the way you explained. My experience could differ because I knew and know their meaning behind it since they wanted me to have an understanding of the value of money and how hard it is earning things. I believe that could’ve also worked in your parents’ “teaching” but I do not have any idea of your situation. 😀
I as well have fallen victim to manipulation because of the kindness I was taught to practice when growing up. I was always encouraged by my family to help others but was never warned of those who would take advantage of my kindness, so many “friends” turned out not to be friends at all. Eventually through experiencing this pain over and over I started to think it was normal and it took forever to break the habit.