to: The Brain

subject: break?

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Hey,

I’m writing this letter to tell you I want to break up. We’ve been trying for too long, when will the trying stage end? Never clearly.

We have been disagreeing for a while. Just because we don’t get along as well as we used to doesn’t mean you always have to be in the gym. Come on you’ve been doing this for too long, don’t you think we deserve a break? Of course, just like in real life, you’re unresponsive, like when you have your headphones on, completely zoned in.

This is reoccurring behavior of my brain. It’s been like this since middle school, I mean you take a few downfalls and it’s all work. Work. Work. Can’t you just move on and act like nothing happened? Yawn. You’re barely here for me because all you do is go out.

I get it. Sometimes it’s hard, with all the flashbacks and stuff. Quite frankly, sometimes I think you’re faking it for attention. I mean sure I remember some of it, but who cares? I hate this. It’s always questions and no answers with us. When I’m confused and need your help, you’re never around; all you do is try and get stronger. Do you really think it’s healthy that you’re forgetting things so easily, you can’t even remember what the task you were going to do was, or how about how you used to remember lyrics so quickly as a child and now you can’t even remember the first words correctly.

Of course, I can’t just forget the good times. I remember those moments when we actually did good on tests and remembered the things we studied or the moments when we felt happiest even while being stuck at home for months. I know you’re a “stay at home and watch Modern Family for the millionth time” type of person and I want to be out there hanging out with everyone. Still, you have to keep in mind how I’ve stayed in with you many times, crying at Phil getting emotional over “Cat’s In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin. I do enjoy doing that a lot with you, having little discussions with you, and loving that no one else will ever know.

You actually help me a lot, sometimes the flashbacks and scary thoughts are a lot I wish we could tone it down a little, but most of the time you’re very reassuring. You’re smart and give great advice to our friends when they’re in similar situations as we’ve been through. I know there are moments when you’re not so sure of yourself, you don’t want to get vulnerable and talk because it always leads to tears. “I look pathetic when I cry,” you always say. To me, you don’t. I like when you’re vulnerable but when you’re trying to distract yourself and not open up is how our problems start.

Maybe it’s because of me that you work so much. I’m reading over this letter and I’m starting to think I might be the reason. Wow, way to go self-reflection. Now, this is messed up. I promise I wasn’t trying to constrict you, I’m just really tired of constantly having to come to terms with the things that happen to me. I know you blame yourself often but you’re not to blame at all, sometimes I think it’s my own fault but you’ve taught me that that’s not true at all either. It wasn’t fair to us and it’s not fair that I keep damaging our relationship by constantly trying to shut the truth out.

I don’t want to leave you. I want to work it out and get through these difficult times together. Like we’ve always done. I want us to heal each other, learn to cope, and find peace with the past. We’re a little messed up, but hey, sometimes mushy bananas make the best smoothies.

Let me know once you get this message.

Sincerely,

the body.