Here is an experience 99.9% of you have had… you go to the doctor’s office. It’s been a while, the nurse sees you, gets your vitals, and tells you that you need to fill out a form before the doctor sees you. The PHQ and GAD7 form, everyone has to fill them out. And everyone lies to themselves…
Here are some of the questions you have to face:
- Do you have little interest or pleasure in doing things? Yes. Sometimes. Not at all.
- Do you have trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much. Yes. Sometimes. Not at all.
- Do you have trouble concentrating…
- Feeling tired…
- Trouble relaxing…
- Being annoyed easily…
The questions go on forever it seems, but it’s only 14 questions in total. I guess it takes time to reflect on people’s last priority, their mental health. Sometimes it takes 30 minutes for patients to finish these questions. Why is it so hard for us to reflect on these things? “Me? Oh no, I’m fine, everyone feels like that!” Or do they.
When I worked for a non-profit clinic, we would see all kinds of patients. Immigrants, elderly, young, mothers. I would check patients in and the PHQ and GAD7 questions were on our computers, so I would ask them these questions verbally. When I would ask patients these questions pertaining to their mental health, it was as if I asked them to recall the laws of thermodynamics. I knew the reason they were taking such long pauses, and the occasional awkward chuckles to serious, and unfunny questions. These questions made them nervous. They were thinking of the repercussions of being honest about these questions. The stigma that comes with mental illness is what they feared. They assumed they were going to be thrown in the looney bin for having anxiety, God forbid they have to see a therapist! Why does the stigma of mental illness cause us to view others differently, so much that we have a false image of our mental health? To normalize bad mental health for the sake of not conforming to the mental illness stigmas of society. You may disagree with all I am saying here, but we live in an age where suicide rates are at their highest, and our day-to-day language has more than ever references about suicide. And it’s all ✨normalized✨.
Is it due to the societal stigmas of mental illness that’s instilled in us. Or is it because of the glorification of stress. Yes, glorifying stress is a real thing that we all do, no matter what profession. The more stressed you are, the more you burn yourself out, all for the sake your work or school, the more you deserve. The artist that went three nights without sleeping to finish his master piece, he is such a hard worker he deserves all the praise. The doctor who cut off relations with the world and started living in his laboratory, HE’S going to get a noble prize, he deserves it more than the guy who got a full eight hours of sleep and ate breakfast too.
“You got a 90 on the exam AND had time to brush your hair this morning, well I got a 91% and I haven’t ate or slept in two days, maybe if you were determined enough and made the sacrifices I did you would have done better!”
But like at what cost LOL, determination and success do not correlate how much you can push your body and mental health.
Maybe this isn’t relatable or ringing a bell to some of you, but with the pre-profession community that I’m a part of… I am constantly reminded by this sad reality. Bad mental health is normalized, and its evident in every day of my life. Thankfully, I have supportive parents and community that allow me to be truthful with myself about my mental health. So please give yourself the right you deserve to transparency, and self-awareness of how you’re doing. Sometimes a little reflecting in silence is all it takes to do a quick checkup on yourself. Don’t let the once a year doctor’s visit be the only time you evaluate your mental well-being.
To end on a funny note, here is a meme I made that depicts the behavior I was referencing to.
Unruly Bodies 
I used to push myself too hard to get good grades. I am not sure if I am just tired because I am a senior and have less work, or if I have truly gotten over the need for academic validation. But, I think I can say I am somewhat better about it. As a woman in engineering, sometimes it feels like you have to outperform everyone in order for people to take you seriously. I try to remember that I am getting the same diploma as someone who gets straight A’s.
For a long time I used to lie and say no on forms and in person whenever I was asked if I’ve ever had thoughts of taking my own life. The idea of having suicidal thoughts was made so taboo and horrible to me by school and family that I kind of gas lit myself into believing I didn’t, or the times I had didn’t count for whatever reason. There was also a huge fear that I would be forced into something, or even just that it would extend the length of an appointment I really didn’t want to be in. At some point I stopped lying about it. I don’t know when but the reason I stopped is because many of my close friends became more open about their experiences with mental health treatment.
The Spongebob picture is literally perfect.
I definitely need to work on my mental illness having a chokehold in my school performance. Grades are finalized tomorrow and I’m swamped trying to play catch up. But, I think I learned my lesson. I feel like I have to turn part of myself off in order to do well in my college career. 3 years to go. Seems like forever.
I hate that those questions are asked even for a physical ailment because the minute you say you hurt physically, doctors turn to “well yeah you’re depressed.”