Sometimes I wish life was as easy as being on the internet, imagine a place where I could just pick apart every aspect of myself and remove those that I hate. It could be like an online marketplace that I scroll through “ooo”ing and “ahhh”ing at every little flaw I came across. It could be like a dating app where I swipe right and left on my best and worst qualities. I think most people would want to do the same, growing up in this current generation has been a rollercoaster, from social media platforms pushing unhealthy and unrealistic material toward young kids to not even being able to feel completely safe within our own rights as humans to not knowing if our home will last long enough. Is there a day in my life when I don’t overthink? Probably not. The internet is such a large haven, even if it’s to some questionable communities, people will usually find their own place online, places to share their interests with others or to just seek community. As I said though, there are questionable things online. It can be too easy to find alarming content, some people online can be taken advantage of so easily, and negative views and influences are able to spread so quickly and widely. With the internet being so powerful, is it becoming too cluttered with negativity and only aimed at financial gain or is it still about its people?
I wonder if I would’ve turned out differently if I wasn’t online so early in my life, it’s possible I wouldn’t feel so pressured to look and act a certain way, I wouldn’t have dealt with the weirdness of certain groups, and I wouldn’t have tainted my mind with things that honestly I had no business involving myself with. It’s not like it’s all bad though, I got to learn about different communities, and made some pretty great friends who even if I don’t talk to them anymore, I had great experiences with them. The internet also allowed me to become comfortable in my sexuality, think about it, I come from a religious family who follows the “not in my backyard” form of things. That basically just means that they’re okay with certain things as long as it’s not in their own home or family. I was in elementary school, crushing on girls while a lot of people around me in my environment and in my family were very much against the idea of gay and queer people, I had no one to talk to and no one to guide me. The internet provided that for me.
Now, yes I do blame the internet for a lot of my weird and cooky phases like the “I desperately need a snapback and big black frame glasses” phase or my “pastel pink and blue” phase but now as I’m a bit older I long for those days. I remember finding so much comfort in coming home from school and immediately going onto Youtube to watch a new video from someone I was obsessed with or just going onto a flash/browser game and probably playing a scuffed version of Flo’s diner. It gave me so much comfort and honestly, it helped me through some of my toughest times. When I was dealing with terrible mental health during all of middle school, I only truly ever felt understood by the posts I would read online and by those who were so open on the internet. I think it allowed me to cope and gave me an outlet when I felt like those closest to me wouldn’t understand. That kind of internet doesn’t seem extremely available anymore though. You have to dig to find spaces that do not become clouded with constant advertising or constant mouthfuls of hateful rhetoric but we can’t deny that those communities still existed before now, there has always been something looming, even if it wasn’t directly in your space.
During my favorite era of the internet, slurs and hateful speech were used openly, as a child I didn’t really go looking for it but when I looked back, I learned of many of these things. Rules were less strict and didn’t exactly prevent this from expanding, now platforms like Youtube have extensive and extremely strict rules, possibly so strict that many times their creators are wrongfully stripped of their channels. These rules are made in order to protect the community of watchers and creators, it also helps prepare those most susceptible, children. I think it’s great for them to protect the children, I sure do wish I had been protected from seeing things as a child but many platforms now go about it the wrong way.
The internet is changing constantly, it seems uncontrollable at this point but continuously I see people online longing for the return of the internet they got to experience when they were younger. Society is full of corporations that aim to only profit not protect the people, and that’s why so many platforms will not prevent from false ideas being spread and from misleading advertising and so many things persist and have a place to grow. As we continue to become more connected with social media and the internet, we must also push for more genuine approaches and for protection. There are so many communities online that deserve their space and platform, some people solely make their living off of the internet, think content creators and SWs. The internet is also home to those who need spaces to open up about what they feel and deal with. The internet has had both a positive and negative effect on society, from the moment of its creation but it doesn’t have to continue that way, it could possibly become a positive environment for people who seek people, information, and content of all forms. It just genuinely needs to be more for the people and instead help foster healthy change. This probably made no sense but trying to understand the internet makes no sense.
Unruly Bodies 
I agree. I find it strange how we came to crave the like button. People will change just about anything about themselves in order to receive that red button of approval. It’s like it doesn’t matter what I think about myself, what matter is how people see me.
Most of the Youtubers I watched in middle/high school either no longer exist or turned out to be not very nice people. I think most of the “genuine” aspect of creating content is gone now that it has become a source of income for some people. Especially with the ads and paid partnerships. But also the freedom and being able to say whatever you wanted wasn’t exactly healthy either. I am not sure if we can ever have that back. Its just the way the internet has changed and how as a generation we have grown a bit more wiser about the things we say and put on the internet. (I think?)
It was fascinating to read your blog. Although I never actually read or touched on this, I also wondered about it. There are many businesses in society that exist solely to make money and not to safeguard the public, which is why there are so many platforms that cannot stop the spread of false information, deceptive advertising, and other things that continue to exist and have room to develop. Individuals will typically find themselves own spot online, whether it is to express their hobbies with other individuals or to simply seek connection, because the online provides a vast shelter, even if it is to certain dubious groups.
i really enjoyed your blog post. i related a lot to something you said in the beginning about criticizing your flaws/qualities. there are so many things about myself that i began to criticize solely because someone on the internet said that it wasn’t favorable. before seeing those opinions, i was generally indifferent to the things i know call insecurities. like you said, the internet is a great place to form communities and gather information but it is sometimes damaging.
I completely agree with you. Being on the internet at such a young age, made me extremely insecure because I did not look like any of the girls that guys would “Ooo” and “ahhh” at. I went through so many fads the internet made popular because I desperately wanted to fit in. It is so sad to know that everyone has been through the same things I have and that younger kids will too. I am so glad we grew out of it and found our own way of life.
Gosh the internet to me is such a thing of dualities. It freed me from terrible notions which used to bind me, it bound me to some of my worst insecurities. Its both connected me and isolated me. So much of my life is centered around something I feel more and more ambivalent about every day.
The internet has left its imprint on me, for the better and the worse.
I think you explain really well something that I feel a lot of writing about the internet can’t capture—that the internet isn’t inherently good or bad, but something nebulous and ever-changing. We can never perceive it in its entirety at once. There’s really no blanket statements that can be made about it, except that it’s very complicated, and shaped our childhoods in ways that we may never understand.
I agree with you. The internet has made it hard to shape my sense of self and it’s hard to determine what real life is based on the things we are flooded with seeing. It’s very hard to control the thought “people put their best foot forward online and don’t show their struggles.”
The entertainment on YouTube is different now- it’s monetized and capitalized. Things sort of feel empty looking at them now. I hope you find your balance. We’re all in this struggle together (: