I myself do not identify as a cis woman, but I was born with female anatomy and that is still how the world perceived me. At the same time that the world was perceiving me, I was right there, taking in all of the experiences and learning from them. The perception others saw of me has been reflected back onto me. I say this meaning that I have been treated as a woman my whole life, treated as if I needed help, as if I were dumb, as if I was hysterical, and always that I was in the wrong. This perception and energy stays with me, even today. I doubt myself in every action I take, my biggest fear is taking up space, or being a burden. The gender roles are in fact deeply ingrained in my brain, and I find myself in these situations often.

(Image by the Mothership Snowboard Shop)

The other day I was in a ski supply warehouse with my partner looking to get him a snowboard. While my partner was getting his feet measured and chatting with the man who was helping us, I just sat on a bench staring at a huge wall of snowboards. More than anything, my brain wanted to touch the boards and sift through them. I could see that there were so many different types and I wanted to feel the patterns and the differences. I also wanted to find the cutest one for my partner, obviously. But I was too afraid to touch them because I know snowboards are hundreds of dollars and I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to them. I thought if I touched them I would get yelled at or someone would tell me to stop or I would immediately break something or maybe even an alarm would go off. So I just sat there for 25 minutes. Then, as my boredom was hitting peak, our friend (he/him) came in to our joint appointment. He was 25 minutes late, had never been there before, is not even a snowboarder (he ski’s) and just started feeling up the Snowboards immediately like it was his birthright. I stood there shocked, waiting for someone to yell at him. I thought surely his entitlement is about to get slapped with reality. But no, he was right. This was a place built for him and he is there using the space as he should. I am sure I could have also done this, but my conditioning in society put a huge roadblock in my path. I saw the path that I could take to fulfill my desire, but I didn’t have the mental capacity to do it.

No matter how they identify, people who grew up AFAB are instilled with a discontinuous unity. The gender roles associated with being born as a female include; weakness, empathy, staying on the sidelines, taking up as little space as possible, thinking of others before yourself, and more. Phenomenology explains how the body and the mind are the same. The experiences of growing up like this will teach a person that they do not have the capacity to achieve their highest goals. This holds women and AFAB people back from big things like advocating for themselves and little things like sifting through snowboards.
Women have an inability to transcend the way that Men in society do.