I don’t think a day goes by where I am not aware of my body. One of our readings “Throwing Like a Girl” brings up how some girls do not put their whole bodies into potion because they see their bodies as a burden, and at first I did not realize that I could relate to that. When I walk, I have to wear an uncomfortable, lined bra that holds my breasts in place. Unfortunately, my breasts move up and down when I walk and this is something I cannot change. While I like my body, I am also made aware through the stares of random men that my body is not for my eyes only. It feels even worse when I see a grown man staring at me while his wife is beside him at the grocery store.
When I was in middle school, I remember being told for the first time that I had to cover the strap of my bralette. Back then, I used to wear nude-colored bralettes because I obviously did not wear bras yet. I was told by a teacher, while walking to lunch with a friend beside me, that I had to cover my bralette strap and it was the first time I felt embarrassment from my chest. And I remember seeing my breasts as a burden from middle school to high school.
During my first couple years of high school, I developed an eating disorder and became obsessed with looking slimmer. This included wanting smaller breasts and even saying that I would get breasts reductions when I was older. Having bigger breasts made my silhouette look bigger than I would like. I was jealous that people with smaller breasts could wear whatever shirt they wanted without worrying about it fitting over their chest or showing too much cleavage and getting stares. It was not until turning 18 when I started to appreciate my body for what it was and I no longer wanted to change the body I had. I started to realize that people with different bodies have to go through different obstacles of their own. While I still get self conscious about the stares I get, I try to ignore them because at the end of the day I will wear whatever I want with the body I live in.
Unruly Bodies 
The idea of bras is definitely an uncomfortable idea as you put it. I remember being in the third grade and having my mom tell me that if others didn’t feel/see a bra strap than I would be fun of. I guess back in the 80s at least where she grew up boobs were something to be desired and mocked if one was “lacking”. I think the shift is part due to the diet culture that reigned supreme in the 2010s. With the rise in plastic surgery and general changing trends it will be interesting to see how society’s perception on big boobs changes our own opinions on ourselves.
I have also been told by male teachers that I needed to shave my legs or cover my bra strap, all while in middle school. I am shocked by how many women/AFAB people have shared this experience. In my case, I prefer not to even wear bras anymore and my family has had a huge discourse with me over it. My mother has tricked me into bra shopping multiple times this past summer which is so uncalled for. I asked my partner if he agreed with my mother, he said yes. I asked why and he said “well, the do jiggle and its distracting in some situations” — the way that my natural body is distracting makes me want to combust into a pile of nothing.
I adored my oldest sister, who was always much curvier than me. I remember being 11 and 12, and wanting to be her and look like her so bad. She was tall and had curly brown hair and all the curves, and I was short and blonde and had absolutely no curves. My mother even used to tease me about it, and my sister would make cruel jokes. Then I got boobs, much bigger than I was ready for, and instantly hated that I had wanted them so badly. The harassment I experienced got so much worse. It was years later, my sister and I, now good friends, were reminiscing, and I just remember her telling me how she was so mean and how awful she felt about her own body, the negative attention and judgement she was receiving, and that taking it out on me was the only place she felt good about herself, and how much she hates that she did that back then. It often feels like there is no good body for women, and I hope that someday that changes. And here’s to each moment we take to allow ourselves to live comfortably in our bodies.