What is it like living with PTSD? For me, I freeze a lot. Sometimes my body just freezes for hours at a time and I am stuck in a trance-like state doing nothing. This makes it very difficult for me to keep up with everyday life because the smallest trigger can put me in a catatonic state for hours until I feel I can move again. For example a few weeks ago I was having a completely normal day when something so unexpected and niche triggered me into taking a seat and staring at the wall for an hour and 30 minutes straight. I always eventually snap out of it and catch myself like -what am I doing?- and then I have to kind of shake it off and really motivate myself to do some work, self care, or anything really. Most days it is a big feat if I brush my teeth and take the bare minimum care of my body.

TW:

right when you’re developing social skills and learning how to move through the world, I got hit with truckloads of guilt and shame and my little 9 year old body couldn’t handle it. I went into a depression for at least six years, I never made any social media accounts, stopped inviting people over, dropped all my sports and stuff. I just isolated myself for my entire youth, as a college student finally making an Instagram and all that; I can’t help but notice how much of the world passed me by while I was stewing in the darkness. There’s a whole human experience I never got, and now I’m too old for anyone to care and I have to try and catch up with the times alone. I know this stuff sounds stupid but it’s just another thing I took away from myself. I’ve felt grown my whole life and now I just wish I could go back. There’s not really a way for people to see any of that from looking at me. They see an able bodied young person which should allow me to live my life to the fullest. In reality I feel like I have a huge weight on my mind all the time.

End of TW:

The Invisible disability project defines invisible disabilities as any physical, mental, or emotional impairment that goes largely unnoticed by society.

I think society is aware of invisible disabilities such as PTSD but doesn’t really give much wiggle room for the tedious processes involved in living with/healing from trauma.
And I understand, maybe it is just that the current framework of society is solely based on productivity. In my experience, if someone isn’t able to produce and contribute something then they are valued less and often struggle without a support system.

On a lighter note this is an image that I feel my brain would look like, its a fire fortress waffle house.