Recently, whenever I think of dressing up, I have to consider hair, makeup, and everything else with the outfit. Part of me doesn’t quite understand it, but I do. Internalized transphobia seems to be the thing that people define it as. The forcing of gender expression into a binary. However, I see it as more of a barrier to me feeling truly authentic in my “other” form separate from what I was assigned at birth and socialized in. For me, the binary exists as a struggle to not feel like a fake.
Looking at my face, I keep thinking about getting makeup to cover my face, but then I start thinking about where to keep the makeup and how I would have time to put it on. I look at silicone breastforms and hip pads which would create more of a feminine body, but I have to consider how I would take them to the place I want to change at and how much privacy I would have. This is one of the reasons why being a hatching transfeminine demiflux magnifies the struggles of commuting, and why commuting creates more of a struggle in being a hatching transfeminine demiflux.
That struggle is not being able to bring everything out of the closet when I enter a safe space, so I end up not allowing myself any expression.
I consider myself to be a person that is decent with planning things, but when it’s come to my expression in the past year, I could never have planned for that or the imposter syndrome that would follow. Every time I think about going out wearing a cute outfit and heels and a wig, I have to stop myself and then feel the recoil of stopping myself in such a way.
And after all that, I look at a reflection of myself and feel like a fraud.
That feeling of not being able to express myself and then feeling like that expression does not reflect who I am hurts, and I want to find a way to surpass it, but I feel stuck right now.
How do you force yourself from expressing yourself and still feel like you?
Is there a space between you and not you?
Unruly Bodies 
I think your self reflection is really important here, I also feel all the eyes of society on me at all times. Getting ready for the day and choosing how to present is a ongoing and daily struggle.
I too feel like I have to put myself in the binary to protect myself from outside society so when I get in my safe small circles, I feel almost like a fraud for showing my true self. I think that expressing myself is not real life or how I really feel despite it being the opposite. I get misgendered so much throughout the day that went my friends use my proper pronouns I have a moment of imposter syndrome- like I am pretending to be my authentic self. This may actually be a concept I learned in my social work class, nurturing system v. sustaining system. Our nurturing system is the version of us that is authentic, and we feel safe being around family and friends, whereas the sustaining system is the version of us that has to fit into the binary.