Imagine you walk into a gym, a not-quite 20-year-old feminine presenting person. After months of working out in the peace of your own home and improving your self esteem, you finally build up the courage and confidence to work out in public for the first time. You sign in and find the weight room. You look up and…wow that’s a lot of men. You struggle to even find one girl. Just a bunch of grunting gym bros with all their buddies lifting weights that are probably too heavy for them to safely lift. Not to worry though! You’ve been training for this moment. All the (Instagram) research you’ve done has led up to this moment. You take a deep breath, grab your 2 dumbbells and find a corner to begin your Shy Girl Workout…
Your Shy Girl Workout allows you to stay in one place with one set of weights the whole time, taking up minimal space so as not to draw any attention to yourself. To be virtually imperceptible. Invisible.
But as time goes on, you start to grow annoyed. You notice that the only other girls in the gym are also sticking towards the wall or a couple machines. You look around at all the gym bros taking up too much space. Hogging machines. Standing in the middle of the walkway. Flexing in the mirrors. Blasting music. Not a single man in the entire gym is trying to stay out of the way. They act like they own the place. They clearly deserve to be here. They belong.
No one has told you that you don’t belong. It’s an unshakeable feeling that comes from within. It comes from years of people constricting your space and indirectly telling you that you can’t because you aren’t a man. PE coaches putting the three strongest boys on the girls’ team in capture the flag to “even the playing field”. Teachers telling you to stop moving around and walk in a single file line. Grandparents telling you to cross your ankles, not your legs, so you don’t look improper. Male classmates taking over a group project in science class. All little things, but they add up.
There’s no such thing as a Shy Boy Workout. No personal trainers on Instagram are showing routines for guys who don’t want to be noticed. The gym gives us a perfect display of how our patriarchal society has fundamentally conditioned women and feminine-presenting individuals to make ourselves smaller. The space we are allowed to take up is constrained. We are constantly aware of what our body is doing and worry if it is doing the wrong thing. Is some guy going to approach me at the gym and explain how I am messing up my exercises? Am I being too loud when I drop my weights? When I breathe?
Because of this, you do not reach your full potential. You don’t try new exercises. You don’t build as much muscle as you could. You don’t feel encouraged. So you don’t continue. So much for the Shy Girl Workout…
Unruly Bodies 
While I identify as a man, I sympathize with your struggle. While I understand that social norms force you into a shy girl workout, I also have a difficult time with the idea that people can perceive me, especially in a place like the gym. its important not to apologize about existing in a space, especially when you are actively working on yourself. Keep it up!
As a women, I whole heartedly agree with this post. I limit myself whenever I go the gym because I don’t want to feel like an inconvenience for the “gym bros” that know more about workouts then me. It feels like every eye is staring you down but, most of the time people are consumed in their own workout. Not to mention, there is usually a crowd of men by every machine which makes me feel uncomfortable to workout. I’ve also noticed that most of the strengthening machines are directly in the middle of the gym which proved this point even further. I hope society can progress and help limits these feelings of confusion. I’m curious to know if the men/individuals who crowd up the areas acknowledge that it is affecting others or not? I know most people don’t look too deep into it.
Love this post! Can 100% relate. The gym is an intimidating place, I find it hard for myself to get up and go to the gym, let alone be consistent. I am the kind of person that I hate the attention and will avoid any sort of crowd at the gym and make myself go extremely early in the morning to ensure that less people will be there and to especially avoid those “gym bros”. I’ve also tried out numerous gyms and each one has those intimidating “gym bros” that almost make you feel defeated in doing your “shy girl workout” because of how much space they are taking up. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even have the chance to try new workouts out because I feel too in the way or just too embarrassed to fail in front of all these “pros.” I am in the same boat as you, so do not feel alone. Maybe someday there will be a gym that is focussed on making women feeling more confident and comfortable!
This post really hit home for me. I am a young woman with severe social anxiety, and my gym journey has been a long one. I started taking an interest in working out and going to the gym when I was fifteen years old. However, it has taken almost five years for me to gain enough confidence to actually take up space in the gym, and even still I struggle every day feeling anxious as one of very few women (or female presenting individuals) in a public gym. This is something that I think social media handles very poorly, because I too constantly see content urging me to take up less and less space as a woman. This even melts into the way women are expected to look in the gym; I’m supposed to hug the wall and do my shy pilates workout to get toned and thin, not buff. It has taken years and a lot of mental resilience but I am glad to say that I am now confident enough to take up more space in the gym and show off my strength (which I am incredibly proud of), and it is my goal to encourage and validate other women in the same way. We should feel confident in our strength and power, and we have just as much of a right to take up space as any man does. Enough with the “shy girl workouts”- their time needs to have passed.
I don’t have social anxiety, im pretty cocky about myself and b*tchy (excuse my language but its true) and I can wholeheartedly say that when I go to the gym in the summer ( cuz I work on campus and usually go after my shift has ended) I don’t go to the weight room. At alll. I have never set foot in the UMBC weight room and it’s because I just don’t wanna deal with the men. I stay at the top where the treadmills, bicycles etc… are. I do that not just because theres too many people and not too many people in a anxiety way but in a irritated way, but also because of the experiences I’ve seen with my own eyes and online towards women from men. A cute girl is working out in her lil set and filming for her YouTube or to show her friends the proper way to do a workout and here comes some musty loser harassing them whether it’s sexual way or entitled way. It’s just like ugh I avoid it because you will get maced or sliced and diced like leave me alone. Leave us alone. When I hear people say “women only gyms” im like no! No! Absolutely not. They’re not gonna push us out. We shouldn’t have to do that They should just act like a normal human being like we do.
This post is soooooo relatable!! This is EXACTLY how I feel at the gym, I am always putting myself in a corner or in the last row of treadmills so I can go unnoticed. It’s wild when you really stop and think about it; men are encouraged to be loud, to take up space, to claim the gym as their own. Yet, we’re conditioned to be so hyper-aware of our bodies, how we move, and how much space we take up. The fact that we have to think twice about everything; whether we’re lifting too loudly or if we’re being judged for the tiniest thing while guys just go about their routines, completely unbothered. I used to have a Gold’s membership but the weight room was such a nightmare I had to get rid of my membership. One evening, I was using a leg press when a male member came up and asked if I was almost done. Not unusual for someone to ask that. However, after I informed him of how many sets I had left he proceeded to stand there, within a few inches of me, and watch me the entire time until I finished. It was so uncomfortable that I quit my workout before I was finished my sets.
I completely agree with this perspective. I don’t go to the gym too often but when I do this post definitely captures what I feel. Sometimes I feel self conscious and it makes me want to go to the gym less and less. Your post highlights a common experience for women in traditionally male-dominated spaces, like the gym, and those feelings of discomfort and the need to shrink yourself are rooted in a broader societal issue. I also agree with the fact that sometimes when you see other women not being able to take up more pace in the gym but men doing the opposite it can be frustrating. For me it can even be demotivating. I want to be able to reach my full potential, and I want to feel like I belong. I appreciate that this post brings up this issue because I feel like many women struggle with these feelings.
I really appreciated your honesty and vulnerability in describing how intimidating it can be to step into a male-dominated space for the first time. Your story is incredibly relatable and highlights a common struggle that many people face. I loved how you included actionable steps like finding a community, setting boundaries, and focusing on personal goals. Despite the challenges, you emphasized the importance of owning your space and recognizing that you belong. This message of empowerment is crucial and inspiring for anyone who feels out of place in similar situations.
I wholeheartedly support this. Even as a man i feel the pressure whenever I workout, I’ve been underweight and on the smaller side my entire life and just recently got into weightlifting and working on my nutrition. I constantly struggle to find space in the gym to work out i often get bullied off machines in between sets by the bigger Bros in the gym. Im still struggling but i found that i forming and group and working out together is better way to claim your own space and set your boundaries. It’s very unfortunate but we have to adapt to survive.
This post makes me feel seen. I don’t like to go to the gym, especially alone. For me, workout clothes have been an obstacle. What I’m wearing controls how confident I am and workout clothes stress me out. A lot of it is too expensive and I don’t want to draw attention by wearing what I normally do. I feel like existing in a gym setting just puts me out of place. Thank you for sharing!
This post summarizes my average gym experience so well. Even though I am a masculine presenting woman I still feel the same fears as you. “Am I doing this right” or “are they looking at me because I’m lifting heavier than a normal girl” are all thoughts I have while being in the gym and trust me I understand you on it takes so much courage and confidence just to be in front of the men in the gym.
This post resonated with me so much as a “shy girl” gym girle. I have been working out semi consistently for over a year and the only times I ever feel the most comfortable at the gym is when Im with a group of friends. The first 6 moths i started working out I had a male friend i went with in order to feel comfortable. But when he said our schedules didn’t work together anymore I was terrified to go by myself because of the reasons you mentioned. Every time I go by myself some man always has something to say about my form or they try to make conversation with me at the most in opportune times its such a mentally grueling experience and its only like this because I’m fem presenting.