In terms of bodies I wanted to talk to about both of our subtopics for the past two weeks. Reproductive and labor. Im honestly a little anxious to give birth as a black woman. Even though I’m not a having kids anytime soon lol there’s still that looking anxiety. I plan to be very vocal/opinionated during my pregnancy and birth ( as you all know I already am) and I honestly don’t think I want to have my baby at a hospital. I think I’d like to give birth at home with a midwife who still has a medical license in case something goes wrong. Hospitals are so depressing and I don’t want to give birth to a child in one. But also because there’s still that looming anxiety about if the doctors and nurses will dismiss any concerns of mine.

And I think that’s kind of messed up. Like white and Asian women have it so easy and it low key makes me jealous and resentful I guess you could say. Like wow y’all will for sure be listened to. Cuz there’s no belief that white/Asian women are genetically stronger and can “just handle it”. But it’s also like well first of all I need to be healthy mentally, emotionally and physically before I get pregnant and have a baby. And that’s for all women. But then I sit and think and I’m like yes that’s the standard and before we have babies we should make sure that were stress free physically and emotionally but a lot of women in the past and present are doing emotional AND physical labor and still will push out 2,3,4+ babies. Like you are carrying another human for MONTHS and then it’s stuck by your side for the rest of life😭. Like it’s surreal. Like actually I still don’t even fully believe that’s how it’s done. And when you take that into account it really makes one ponder like wow, we do all that and still have to put on a smile and a high pitched voice when we greet customers checking in for their appointments and give our feet and ice bath and buy orthopedics from running back and forth between hospital rooms. It’s like it shouldn’t be this way. We DID this to ourselves. We should be in gardens picking berries and herbs and playing the flute around the fire after dinner. ALL OF US. We created this dystopia.