Earlier today, I had to go grocery shopping. I was missing a few things around my apartment, and naturally had to make a quick stop at the Giant near campus to grab a couple of things. The trip itself didn’t take more than 30 minutes, and despite the crowds in the store, I had no issue finding and purchasing everything I needed.
By the time I returned to my apartment, my heart rate was averaging 120, I was covered in stress sweat, and I felt like my brain was scrambled eggs, just like the one “Your Brain on Drugs” ad — except my brain was just on tons of stress hormones.
Just for some quick context, GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and is the diagnosis I will specifically be referring to. It essentially involves being anxious about most parts of your life with little discrimination for what you’re worrying about. Basically think of it as me having a lower-level panic attack that lasts all day, every day. I could be just as anxious delivering an important speech in front of a crowd as I am going to a regular class on bad days. In fact, I usually find myself having less anxiety over something that would seem daunting than things I have to do every day. Please don’t make me make a phone call. Please don’t make me drive in a city. Please don’t make me go alone to anywhere I’ve never been to before.
Being anxious over quite literally existing can make you pretty exhausted. Sometimes I think of my anxiety as a version of my inner child that I have to constantly wrangle and keep from melting down about any possible unknown. Just like any version of my inner child, I have to care for it and make sure it feels okay and safe. I can’t possibly ignore it, because it could never take care of itself on its own and could only become a bigger problem if left unattended. It definitely isn’t anything like having to raise an actual child, nor would I want to compare it to that type of labor, but there absolutely is work there that frequently leaves me fatigued. Doing things that trigger my GAD like making a phone call can turn 5-15 minutes of completing the activity into 3 hours of completing the activity and then recovering from it. I’ve gotten a lot better about most of my triggers throughout the years, but I still have my days where my anxiety makes me feel like I’ve worked 80 hours instead of 40.
Julie Beck’s interview with Arlie Hochschild really helped to clarify my thoughts on emotional labor. Before reading it, I have to admit that I was caught up with the misconceptions Hochschild highlighted — I honestly was equating things like household chores and other physical tasks to be emotional labor itself, just like she was lamenting. And while I do find those things to be exhausting at times, it is true that it is in fact just labor, with no inherent emotional aspect as to why it drains you. Now that I have a more specific definition for it, I honestly feel much more confident about applying the concept to my own life. It’s given me the understanding to really acknowledge just how energy and time-consuming having GAD can be (I mean, this is something I already knew, but now I can just identify it more clearly). I hope that the misconceptions about emotional labor can be cleared up, because I’m really glad that there’s a term that specifically highlights the drain that more negative emotions and feelings can give a person, especially if those feelings are chronic.
Unruly Bodies 
I appreciate your openness about living with GAD. It’s so true how activities that may seem simple to others, like a grocery run or making a phone call, can be really draining when anxiety is a constant presence. Needing recovery time after facing triggers is something that is helpful to you but some people find it hard to understand, and I also experience similar things so it does get a bit difficult sometimes. I think that the way you describe your anxiety as caring for an “inner child” makes a lot of sense because it takes a lot of energy to keep the anxiety “feeling safe”, if that makes sense.
God, I completely understand. I was recently officially diagnosed with GAD (but all my life I’ve known I’ve had anxiety because… you know. Anxiety.) and it feels so good to have a baseline for why you feel how you feel at certain parts of the day. It helps you understand why your body is reacting the way it is – and learning that yes, dealing with GAD is emotional labor, helps a lot for people with anxiety, because I’m always worried that I’m “overreacting” for how I feel at times. You are seen and valid !!
The anxiety of tackling normal tasks and errands is real. I relate. I seriously have to plan ahead on when I will be going to the grocery store, getting gas, going out for a shopping day, etc. I personally don’t have any kind of medical anxiety diagnosis but, every single time I leave my house my chest gets heavy and every scary thought runs through my mind. I have to mentally prepare for my adventures and if I do not mentally prepare for where I am going, days ahead or at least a few hours before, I will simply not go. I don’t go out to the bars or hang with my friends if it’s a spur of the moment thing either. Then on top of all of this, the anxiety of getting in a car that I have to operate or sometimes someone else, is a whole other thing. I’m not sure where this all stems from, but the only thing I can think of is that if I have too much going on and I have a set routine and something interrupts or messes up my routine it completely throws me off. Im glad that there is someone else who deals with the same thing, because sometimes I feel so alone when I let my anxiety get the best of me.
Thank you for sharing about this! I also completely relate to this, although I don’t have GAD I have been diagnosed with social anxiety. My social anxiety isn’t as severe as it used to be, but I still experience challenges from time to time. I used to struggle immensely with talking to people, which would cause me significant anxiety. I remember how sweaty my palms would get and how my heart would race. While I still face some of these issues, they are not as overwhelming as they were in the past. I appreciated your interpretation of anxiety as a version of your “inner child.” It makes so much sense; as you mentioned, we need to take care of it and help it feel safe. Ignoring it isn’t a viable solution, as that can lead to bigger problems down the line. I relate to this because, in the past, I didn’t address my anxiety when it was at its worst, and as a result, it only intensified, causing me to become more isolated. However, later in high school, I finally realized that I needed to confront my anxiety if I wanted to improve and feel better.