Little did I know when coming into college how many opinions were really out there regarding my resting face. Who knew that there’d be so many comments and concerns about me when I thought I was simply going about my day-to-day life?
I never thought much about the way that I looked while walking around, minding my own business in public spaces, but apparently, I don’t look as content as I may feel. I remember walking to Potomac Hall, where I lived during my freshman year at UMBC, when an employee from True Grits said, “Having a bad day?” I can’t exactly recall what I said or how the situation occurred, but I believe he followed with “You look mad.” This, of course, caught me completely off guard, and I’ve been aware ever since of how I come off in public spaces.
Truthfully, it bothers me most when my friends mention times that they’ve seen me out and about, unsure of whether I was doing alright or not. I also have a tendency to be ‘in the zone’ when walking about, so not only do I accidentally ignore my friends, but I do so with a certified ‘RBF.’ I always feel terrible and apologize, but times like these can’t help but make me laugh, as I know that my friends can see right through the RBF.
This ties into concepts from Iris Marion Young’s “Throwing Like a Girl: A Phenomenology of Feminine Body Comportment, Motility, and Spatiality,” and how women’s lives are often associated with confinement and enclosure. To those in public spaces who don’t know me personally, it’s probably easy for them to assume that I’m the closed-off, keep-to-myself type. Men may be quicker to assume from looking at my face that I’m not as happy as I actually am. So much is assumed about women based solely on their looks. While women certainly have a whole lot to be angry about, we don’t necessarily aim to visualize our feelings as we go about life on a daily basis.
Unruly Bodies 
I totally relate. I also have RBF and am constantly being told to “smile more” or “why do you look so mad”. I distinctly remember one time when I was in Towson and I was sitting outside by myself, while my friend was getting the car. And a man drove past, backed up when he saw me, got out of his car, crossed the street, and walked up to me and tried to start talking to me. The first words out of his mouth were “why you look so sad”. It was actually pretty scary and could have taken a darker turn. But I told him to fuck off and he left me alone. Not without calling me a bitch first, of course.
I recently had an encounter involving this on Saturday. In Walmart, I was told that I was “too pretty to not be smiling”. While I was not in a bad mood necessarily, I was instantly annoyed by the comment, and wanted to snap back at the man for the comment. However, I know that I am a young woman, shopping by herself, so I had to choose my tone of voice and my choice of words carefully. The idea that society is entitled to women looking in a manner that’s deemed pleasant for a man to look at is absurd.
Although I think I might have some level of an RBF, I don’t think I’ve had any personal run-ins with accusations of looking angry or demands to smile from strangers. However, I have witnessed my cousin be ridiculed for having one for years. When I was reading your post, it occurred to me that, as far as I can recall, I don’t think I have ever heard a man (or even someone who presents more on the masculine side) be told that they have an RBF. Men are allowed to do practically whatever they would like to with their bodies at all times. Women, on the other hand, are so carefully and constantly observed, that if they do even the slightest inconveniencing to others with their body (like going through their day with what is referred to as an RBF) they are immediately “put back in their place” and told that they shouldn’t be. It’s insane to me that society is so quick to insert themselves into what women do with their bodies when they wouldn’t dream of doing the same thing to a man.
I literally relate to this post so much because I have the resting bitch face of all time when I’m out in public people always seem to take the time to comment “hey you should smile more”and “why don’t you smile you would look so much better with the smile on your face” and most of these comments tend to come from men but the fact is, it’s not that I am unhappy it’s just I don’t have nothing to smiling about it at the moment. I’m just content with the emotions that I’m feeling. But it’s the fact that we have to defend ourselves against this when people should just mind their own business. This also reminds me of the time I was taking a picture with my aunt and I was smiling and she told me to smile like I mean it and that my smilie looks fake but I’m like this is my real smile so its like even if you do smile will people consider it to be a fake smile.
I get this all the time starting in middle school because I also have RBF so I’ve had friends tell me before they knew me that they thought I was really mean and standoffish. My own family constantly says I look angry or upset even if I am just sitting there, relaxing. Even now, I feel like my expressions are always misinterpreted and policed like I can never just chill without being questioned about whether I am ok or not. It’s sad that with people I care about and have known me all my life still insist to give unsolicited opinions about my face, but I know if I was a man, this would not be an issue.
Honestly, I totally get where you’re coming from because people act like your face in public is some kind of announcement about your feelings. I sit in a room full of people while enjoying my time having human interaction and still look so miserable (this may vary depending on who I’m with). Ever since elementary school, folks have been asking me “Are you okay?” just because I wasn’t grinning all the time, even if I was feeling completely fine. It got seriously annoying having to explain myself over and over, just because people expected me to look a certain way. Fast forward to college, now I actually kind of appreciate my RBF when I’m walking around campus, especially since it keeps random guys from bothering me or thinking I’m “approachable” just because I’m a woman. It’s wild how people jump to conclusions about us based on a split-second look, and it really connects to those ideas in Young’s work about women having to deal with being “watched” and boxed in, even when we’re just trying to get through our day. Women’s bodies are also being constantly policed and checked for behaviors out of the ordinary of gender expectations.
This is so real, I work at the front desk and I remember my first day of work, I was a little nervous (as one would be) and one of my male coworkers just looked at me and was like you should smile more and then he muttered under his breath “if you wanna actually try at this job”. Must I have a smile plastered on my face 24/7? I personally just maintain a relatively neutral face because I feel like smiling all the time just feels really disingenuous. It just confuses me that people are so concerned with MY face, worry about your own lol. Similar to what the other comments mentioned with constant policing of women’s bodies, very rarely will I hear comment about a man not smiling 24/7, but when any other person does it, there is an issue. It just begs the question: Is everyone else’s mood simply determined by what emotion I have on my face? Must I conform my face to make everyone else feel comfortable and at ease?
I am rarely visibly happy in public, and I don’t really know why (I think it has something to do with feeling like people think I’m weird for being happy). It has gotten comments before, and I dislike when that happens. I don’t see why my happiness is the concern of a stranger.
I completely understand what you’re saying. Even though I am a man, I have also been told I have extreme RBF and I hate it when people just assume that I’m upset or angry even if I’m having a great day. Sometimes I wish people would be less judgmental and just let people live