I had my 21st birthday in the middle of Quarantine, meaning my 20’s have already started out as depressing. As I’m sitting here, trying to figure out what to write, I think it’s very important to recognize what we as a world, and especially as a country, have gone through over the past year. 2020 has been the worst year of many people’s lives, with maybe less specific tragedies numerically, but definitely including one of if not the longest lasting tragedy in recent years. COVID itself has ruined lives and left people broke and begging for help just to survive. I’ve gotten very lucky so far. I haven’t gotten sick, I haven’t had much problems with money, but this year has been tough on everyone.

Weddings, the union of two families in a formal ceremony, formal being the operative word. Clothes suitable for a high profile event such as this one are very gendered. Men wear collared shirts and ties, whereas women wear dresses. The question is, what if you’re neither? The answer? No one is sure. As a non-binary person, this THE question not only for weddings, but in general. When others gender you, no one can see what your gender is, but instead bases it off of certain characteristics. These characteristics are mostly visual and sound based. For example, masculine people are assumed to be male, whereas feminine presenting people are presumed to be female.

It really is wild that different cloths cut certain ways with certain patterns show people a binary gendered system. I went to a wedding this past weekend, and of course everyone was wearing clothes that made them present a certain way. I dressed masculine, as I usually do. Dressing masculine for me is easier and more comfortable than dressing feminine. Of course, dressing this way makes people perceive me as a man.

When someone uses he/him pronouns for me, dysphoria sets in. Luckily enough, my significant other is very supportive and unafraid to correct people at the drop of a hat. People always give funny looks or are confused when I’m referred to as her partner. Some relatives asked why I wasn’t her boyfriend, and after that always comes an explanation. It’s very odd for me to have someone fight this hard for my pronouns and identity. Personally, I’ve gotten tired of correcting and educating others. It gets old after a while. She is such a good ally for me when it comes to this. Her allyship to my gender identity is astounding.

Weddings themselves are very binary things as well. A holy union between one man and one woman. Thinking about the concept of marriage as a non-binary person is also very intriguing because when I get married, there has to be changes that no one really thought about when the concept of marriage was created. Am I a groom? Am I a bride? A broom? Everything feels up in the air when you don’t follow the gender binary.

Once again, the question is what if you’re neither? The answer? Do whatever makes you feel good. Do what you want. This ceremony is for yourself, not your family, not anyone else. If you plan on getting married as a non-binary person, be yourself and have a blast.

Mental and physical health are looked at very differently in western societies. Mental health is difficult because asking for it means you’re unstable. Physical health is much easier for the ideal person, because for some reason your body is more important than your mind. Insurance also plays a key role in healthcare. The difference between these two types of healing and asking for help is astounding. Insurance can make asking for help harder and more confusing.

Getting help with mental illness makes people think you’re unstable because of the stigma behind it. Going to a therapist is like walking into a mental hospital in some areas. Western ideals of medicine think of hard sciences as the only legitimate types of science, which is unfortunate because it leaves out more than half of the human experience. The mind-body split shows heavily when speaking about mental health. People think that when your body is healthy your mind must be as well, but that is untrue and someone’s mental health can affect their physical health greatly.

For example, my coworker told me that he was “crazy too,” when I told him I had a psychiatrist appointment that day. This sounds like a joke, but when you look at it, he’s saying that we have to be mentally unstable to see a professional about it. When your body is ailing, do people tell you that you’re crazy to go see a medical doctor? Then why is mental health any different?

Physical health has its own challenges, but can be much easier with ideal people. When you mix other identities and factors into the person in question, physical health help can become much harder to attain and maintain. For example, a cis white man can get through a doctor’s appointment very easily, yet a trans woman has to answer many more questions and the doctor can create much more commotion because someone doesn’t fit the “proper type” of person.

Health is such an important part of living, yet many people that need mental help cannot find it, and those who are not binary can get discriminated against for existing. The key piece to healthcare in America is private insurance. Insurance is a leech on resources and does NOT help people get better healthcare. Insurance itself is EVIL!

The fact that we have to pay for a life-saving service out of pocket because someone we pay to pay our bills doesn’t cover a particular surgery or time in a rehabilitation center is absolutely atrocious.

This conversation can be linked to so many things, whether it’s free healthcare, racial justice, LGBT rights, or even basic human needs/rights. These are just a few of the things that physical and mental health can lead to, especially when combined with insurance. People have a right to take care of their bodies and thrive instead of survive, but insurance, mental, and physical health are all factors in someone’s quality of life.

Superheroes are a great example of an ideal, unattainable body, but what if they’re differently abled? Heroes, especially super ones, seem to always stand for something. Superman, for example, stands for the American dream, a perfect specimen who is strong, white, and has good samaritan morals. Superman is considered a hero because of what he stands for, but what about Anti-heroes? To bring it further, differently abled heroes?