Prior to reading the chapter readings and completing the assignments about accessibility, it was never something that crossed my mind very often. I mean with a mom with Multiple Sclerosis who will end up in a wheel chair some day, I told myself it’s probably something I should educate myself in. This biggest takeaway I have from these readings and also the further research I did is that accessibility is never a problem until it’s happening to you. Sure I can say that as an individual who can walk without assistance, not have to worry about money, and am not held back in society in any way that I believe we need to change. But as many of you reading this probably think, oh she’s just saying that to fit 300 words in for this blog post but the point is that, that isn’t the truth.

This topic is something has began to become a pretty sensitive topic for me. It took me a good while to try and understand the severity of accessibility and its limitations, but I found a way and it’s opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking.

Growing up my mom and I always were shopping. It could be the middle of a blizzard and we were up and out early on Saturdays to go shop our whole entire day away. My moms absolute favorite place to shop is a strip of boutiques in a little town in North Carolina. I know this might seem like I am getting off track, which I very likely may be because finals are coming and I am stressed, but this story comes full circle. This little boutique strip is on the top of a huge hill and looking back now, it has no other way of getting to the top other than walking up a huge set of stairs.

The idea that one day when my moms MS gets to later stages she may not be able to go shop at her favorite shopping place because she will be in a wheelchair, breaks my heart. I know this is something that may seem so small compared to other accessibility issues, but this is what opens my eyes and makes me realize how many individuals lives are affected because of accessibility issues.

Throughout this class I have learned and been exposed to so many new topics and problems in society that it is crazy. I originally took this class for credits and honestly did not believe I was going to enjoy it in any way shape or form. I am very glad I was wrong because accessibility is just a small sliver of what we covered and I could type for hours about the countless information I have retained from this class.

I can safely say I feel a lot less ignorant to our society after taking this course and have been completely convinced to start doing everything I can, even though it may be very small, to make changes because for me some of these topics become very personal.

Invisible disabilities are something that, if you don’t first hand witness how hard they are, it can be very easy to look right by them. When I was 7 years old my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. At the time it didn’t seem something that was very serious. She would get injections monthly and take her medicine and she would live normally. As time progressed she began to struggle with every day life activities and need to rest a lot in order to take care of herself.

Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is something that essentially, in the worst scenario, could be fatal. It is very exhausting on the body and I wish I better understood that. When I was in middle school I vividly remember asking my mom if she could take my friends and I shopping for the day. My mom LOVES to shop. So when she said no because she was having a flare up I thought that was just an excuse. I then remember comments I made such as “just take some medicine” “sleep when we get back” and realized how ignorant I was. I had no idea the severity of the pain she had because looking at her, she looked just fine. My younger siblings would do the same thing. I remember times they would make comments about how mommy was so lazy and never did anything. Looking back now it is heartbreaking because my mom would do anything for anyone in the whole world and it would kill her when my siblings and I wouldn’t get upset with her for something she couldn’t control.

Paralysis is a possible outcome of Multiple Sclerosis. As a family, to better understand what our mom goes through, we decided to do an annual MS walk in Pittsburgh, PA. Through this we were able to meet other families that struggled with what our family went through. It allowed my siblings and I to realize what our mom goes through is real and that a lot of other people struggle as well.

The point here is that invisible disabilities are real and it becomes more of a sensitive when it involves your own family.

My whole entire life, the word “anxiety” has been thrown around and used in so many different contexts that I was never really sure of it’s actual meaning. 19 years later I begin to understand that the thing is that not everyone is the same when it comes to anxiousness and how it affects you. Everyone has their own story to tell.

My biggest problem with coping with my own anxiety I have recently discovered is that I always tell myself, “Someone has it worse”. And I’ve come to realize that what a lot of other people like to say when it became obvious I was struggling. After opening up to people about what I was going through, I began to realize that just because my problems may be less severe than others, they are still important. It was then that I was able to help myself get out of the downward spiraling hole I was entering.

So a little backstory for you guys. I am a sophomore here at UMBC. I am also a student-athlete. Growing up, I lived in a house with my huge family. Even if I wanted to be alone, which wasn’t like me, it was rare I got the chance. I then adapted to having all my family around so much that it was weird to even go away for a weekend with my boyfriend. Because of how close I was with my family, it made the transition to college so much harder. I had a very hard time my freshmen year balancing sports and softball while also struggling with a new routine and being away from all the people I loved. I began to have bad days worse than good and realized I wanted nothing more to be home with my family. It didn’t help that because of the pandemic, I wasn’t advised to see anyone outside of my team. My days consisted of going to online class, practice, and then to sleep. College is obviously a time in your life where independence comes into play, but I had to learn how to be on my own without an option. I couldn’t see my family and friends and it SUCKED. The school aspect transition was just as hard. I saw all my teachers on a screen and had no type of face-to-face interaction with them to try and make a relationship with them.

Skipping forward a month, I was able to learn how to help myself get out of the little fog I had hit. I started facetiming my family more often. I built a relationship with a teammate who is now one of my best friends. And I started doing things to keep me out of a continuous routine of being sad. I began to be more optimistic towards my situation but also taught myself that sometimes you go through rough patches and you’re allowed to struggle but never give up, because I promise you it will get better!

The moral of this story was not to ask for pity for myself or make anyone feel bad for what I was struggling with. The point was to emphasis that no matter how little or big you may think your problems are, they still exist and it’s important that you acknowledge them. It is okay to struggle and it’s sure as hell okay to not be ashamed of what you’re going through.

Growing up my whole life, I was always a very tiny girl: I wore XXS until my freshmen year of high school. I had always been very active playing softball, basketball, and soccer. But no matter what I did I couldn’t seem to figure out how to put on some weight. My comment about not being able to put on weight will push at least 10 people reading this to think “She’s so lucky why is she complaining about being skinny?”. And as most of you would think that wouldn’t bother anyone, but it did and I became so insecure about my weight that I started to destroy my own mental health because of it. In my personal opinion, it is just as rude to make comments about how skinny someone is then making comments about how big a girl is. My whole life I’ve constantly been reminded how lucky I was and was never even thought to be given credit for working out, playing sports, and maintaining the fast metabolism I was born with. I felt like people rather than promoting me for staying healthy and maintaining a body I felt comfortable in , I was constantly made feel bad because other girls wished they looked like me. I realized how insecure I became once guys started making comments about it. My new nickname around school became skeletore. I was laughed at because all of my clothes were too big and didn’t flatter my boobs or butt which is what guys wanted because their hormones were raging. I went on eating binges where I would eat 2 meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner just praying I would somehow put on weight and feel happy with myself again. My parents quickly shut that down and constantly reminded me that everyone is their own type of beautiful and there is nothing wrong with being a skinnier girl.