In the third grade, I picked up the violin and learned diligently how to play the instrument and feel in love with it ever since. In high school I learned how to play the piano and that completely changed my perspective on music for such a long time.

Even at the loneliest of times, my music is what keeps me company. In the midst of all my panic attacks, its my playlist that soothes my soul and really calms my nerves. After getting into conflict with my friends, parents, or other people, it’s music that will reset my mind and get my mind back right. On Sunday mornings my praise playlist or the Christian radio is what gets my spirit ready to receive the word of God at church. The only thing that helps keep me focused while I’m studying is my music playing in my ears. At the gym when I’m using all my might to lift up those heavy ass weights, my music is the extra push of adrenaline that helps me successfully complete the workout.

Music is the connecting bridge between me and my family back home. I don’t speak the native language fluently, but when traditional Nigerian music comes on, I can recite every word and joyfully sing along with the rest of my family.

Music is what helps keep me stable. It has helped me find myself and come to be comfortable with who I am as a person. I don’t know who or where I would be without all the music that I listen to.

I am burnt the fuck out. My body is tired. My mind is tired. It is quite clearly being reflected in multiple facets of my life. I don’t even have the energy to speak to people much anymore. Classes where attendance is mandatory have not been seeing me. My grades were fine but now they’re dropping a bit and I just don’t know how to cope with this. This is reflected within my style as well. One of the biggest signs of burnout I have come to realize in myself is that my outfit is pretty simple, that’s not a regular thing for me.

I feel terrible. I look in the mirror and I can’t recognize myself. All I see is the numerous horrendous bags under my eyes. I’m trying. I really am trying not to let my exhaustion consume me and derail the academic success I’ve set myself up for but I’m having a hard time coping. This type of stress should not be the norm for college students. We aren’t even guaranteed a secure job at the end of this all so is it worth the mental strain? I question this everyday. All I do know is that I am burnt the fuck out and don’t know how to deal with it.

Watching the way that labor affects people is so sad. As a kid my mother use to come home from 12 hour night shifts and I could see the exhaustion all over her face. My mother was a labor and delivery nurse at John Hopkins. In the way she spoke, the way she walked, the way she cooked, and approached life as a whole she just seemed like she was so tired. She was so tired all the time it felt. You would think she liked to sleep more than she loved to spend time with me.

But as I am older and now working my own job, I completely understand why she felt the way she felt all the time. The most I work in a week is between 20-25 hours and it my feet will continuously ache on in agony. At the end of each shift I want nothing more than to lay in my bed and recuperate from simply speaking to people all day. Labor is hard, and it all comes down to the systemic class system that is set up. The people who do the least labor get the most money and it is just simply unfair and inhumane. So many current business owners have the ideology that “money comes before the mental health of employees” and it is heartbreaking because of how much that is reflected in todays society.