diagnosis

my new diagnosis
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my new diagnosis

I remember a little while ago we talked about what getting a diagnosis means to us, up until yesterday getting a diagnosis was just something that happened when I was sick or went to the doctor so it didn’t mean anything to me. But the other day i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and 2nd stage mania, i guess at first it didn’t mean anything to me but as the day went on i started to realize some of the things that comes with diagnosis like this; even though i am the same person i was before i was given a label, a name to the things that i had be experiencing. society is going to view and label me as damaged goods, unable to regulate myself without outside help and i don’t know why that scares me so much because i haven’t changed i just have a better sense of direction when it comes to treatment for myself. but im so scared of being treated differently that i haven’t even told or talked to my parents or family about it. personally i don’t like to be the center of attention and knowing my parents that’s exactly whats going to happen, i recognize that i am taking the choice away from them about how they are going to respond but i just scared of the possibility of what could be that i don’t want to take that risk. just sitting here now writing this out im realizing that i don’t even know what i would tell them because i don’t really understand it myself and i know that they’ll have questions that i don’t have the answer too. im really trying not to fall down the internet rabbit hole of information because a lot of it could be false, i did talk to my therapist and my psychologist but it still a lot for me and feelings mixed with information never was a good mix for me so im trying to find a god balance but its hard.

Image of two figures hugging surrounded by tips for supporting someone with bipolar disorder

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Self-Diagnosis

According to a “recent study,” conducted by a company that maintains an online self-diagnostic tool and then misinterpreted by some website on the internet, “1 in 4 British women has misdiagnosed themselves on the Internet.”  Mind you, this wasn’t just posted on any old internet, it was posted on the Internet, so it’s totally legit, guys.  I believe it.  (By the way, Jezebel has some commentary that, while not problem-free, tickles the funny bone.)

This blog needs more color, so here's a rainbow.

Regardless, it raises some important questions about the role of diagnosis and self-diagnosis.  When overused or used irresponsibly, self-diagnosis on the internet can lead to a lot of unnecessary worry.  It’s an especially big problem in a culture that does not openly discuss bodies or illness, making it difficult to determine what is “normal” and “abnormal” for a body to do.  Female bodies, disabled bodies, older bodies, trans bodies, and non-white bodies, in particular, are susceptible to this kind of worry.  If your body was never “normal” to begin with, how can you possibly know if something is wrong?  If your body has always been strange or mysterious or untrustworthy, when does it cross the line from weird to dangerous, or sick?

I don’t have exact answers to these questions.  I do know, however, that since the majority of people cannot afford to see a doctor every time their body aches or something leaks, and since most female, aging, disabled, trans, and non-white bodies (to name a few) are not given serious consideration in the doctor’s office, the internet is an important diagnostic tool.  Several years ago, for reasons I can’t remember, I found a diagnosis for myself on the internet, and it was a major turning point.  As far as I knew, this was the way that I had always been, but at that time, I started to realize that it wasn’t the way that I would always have to be. It didn’t change my anxiety, but just having a name for it allowed me two conceptualize the phobia and my personality as two separate things.

These people stared at this x-ray for hours before realizing that it was blank.

When I later filled out an inventory or questionnaire, I hit every one of the symptoms.  But I never would have known that these were symptoms without coming across that page on the internet.  How could a doctor have possibly diagnosed me if I never expressed that anything was wrong?

Of course, my story might be unusual, and it might be somewhat unique due to my class privilege.  Still, I maintain that the internet should have a place in diagnosis, since no doctor can ever know a person’s body better than the person themself.  What do you think?  Does self-diagnosis cause more harm than good?  How can the internet be used or changed to improve diagnosis and available medical information?